Head (Brain) Trauma

My psychologist in Eastern Europe believes that I am currently called (labelled) "schizophrenic" due to a traumatic head injury.

The injury certainly caused me to be vulnerable in so many ways...I suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I have done some work regarding the PTSD.

My head was banged on the sidewalk over and over again in an assault (attempted murder...).

No matter how often I mentioned the traumatic head injury, psychiatrists ignored it.

Two doctors have admitted that the traumatic head injury is probably the cause of me being labelled "schizophrenic."

"Family" prefer the label. Former "family."

With Amino Acid Diet, Mice Improve After Brain Injury

"[Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) is] the primary cause of death and disability in children and young adults...TBI also accounts for permanent diabilities in more than 5 million Americans."
--from preceding article

I am happy that I am alive--


For the past week:

• medicine: 10 milligrams Aripiprazole a.m.; 10 milligrams Aripiprazole, 5 milligrams Fleuphenazine, 2 milligrams "Cogentin" p.m. (decreased Fleuphenazine)
  
• diet: attempting to eat protein with every meal, fruit, about 3-4 meals/day
  
• exercise: situps and pushups
  
• mood: o.k. each morning upon rising
  
• weight: decided not to weigh my body
  
• sleep: did not record (11 hrs. one night)
  

Alcoholic "fam" -- II

"This is no war that will be won in my lifetime, but it is a winnable war. When people make a connection that there is no biogenetic code for serial killer or arsonist, that we make our own monsters – when people actually get that, it will be obvious to them that early intervention, early protection will pay enormous dividends. The kids that we miss don’t disappear; they end up in our criminal justice system or our mental health system.” --Andrew Vachss
(10-2009, an interview)



The above will be noticed more often in the future... Already people are noticing. The man quoted above notices, people who have seen that trauma(s) can lead a person into the "mental health system" have noticed...
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I attempted to run away from the house I came from at thirteen...someone ran after me, convincing me to return, not (as I'd planned) for my babysitting money and to leave forever, but to stay. Then, again, I attempted to stay away when I left formally at seventeen. Someone convinced me to return at the first "Holiday"...

After, I was unable to escape the Alcoholic "home" of my Father...

I had chances to leave forever, to "disappear" (while being searched for, of course)...I did not see the chance to leave forever as what I required, to live...

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I considered in the past week whether the word "Alcoholic" applies to me...I took a test at the "Alcoholics Anonymous" website:

Test to See if You are an Alcoholic

I did not answer "Yes" enough to be considered an Alcoholic.

I am currently reading the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.

I read this book in the late eighties, early nineties. So, within this book is a list of traits I had then that made me a Codependent. Those same traits were described as "schizophrenia" or "schizoaffective." Those are the labels in my records.

Now, rereading the book, I can see how the traits changed over the past twenty years, some diminishing, some growing...The most difficult part of reading the book is deciding which traits I have today...(There are also exercises at the end of each chapter.)

I will discuss some realisations from re-reading the above book in a future post...

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I am returning to the format established in my first posts. I will keep records each week. For the past week:

• medicine: 10 milligrams Aripiprazole a.m.; 10 milligrams Aripiprazole, 5 milligrams Fleuphenazine, 2 milligrams "Cogentin" p.m. (decreased Fleuphenazine)
  
• diet: attempting to eat protein with every meal, fruit, about 3-4 meals/day
  
• exercise: situps and pushups
  
• mood: o.k. each morning upon rising
  
• weight: decided not to weigh my body
  
• sleep: 12 hrs. a night, average
  

alcoholics in a "fam"...

My father's family has "impaired control over alcohol." They ALL "use alcohol despite adverse affects." (--Wikipedia, 12-09) My father's side of the family is abusive; they are alcoholics. The four brothers and sisters marry abusive alcoholics (not relatives), as well, who join in on the abuse.. The family (the father of my father) are "ritual drinkers."

I did not/do not want to join them. They like to call those who do not join them "teetotalers" rather than "sober". Alcoholics do not like the sober...

I knew someone who went to Alcoholic's Anonymous (AA) who thought that I was a "dry drunk".

I ended up going to Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA), at the suggestion of someone who counselled me. I had earlier intended to go to Co-Dependants Anonymous, attempted one meeting and wound up at an AA meeting, thinking that was the wrong meeting.

Perhaps it was, perhaps it wasn't...

Now I am re-reading "Codependent No More", awaiting the ACOA book, and considering whether I am an Alcoholic. (After 3 metal beds (with strap downs) I had times where I drank alone for no reason at all except the painful present. Those metal beds were torture.)

Now I decided not to drink alcohol because on Aripiprazole alcohol is not advised. In the past four years I drank extremely infrequently (1-2 times a year).

Next week I will return to the previous format where I list my progress over the past week. I also intend next week to refer again to "Alcoholics in a fam..."

Sometime, I will write of "the torture of metal beds".

until December...

I decided not to return to this blog until December. I am transitioning right now. I am writing each day, studying a new language, and have other aspects of my life to focus upon...I also want to reflect on my previous writings...Thank you for paying attention.

transitioning

Last week one night my husband woke me up again, tho I was asleep, then I took pills. I stayed awake after taking 20 milligrams Aripiprazole, 10 milligrams Fleuphenazine, 2 milligrams Benztropine Milate. All other nights last week I slept without waking.

My mood upon waking all other days was o.k. or good.

I xercised all days, as decided (by me), but two.

I am transitioning to a new city.

I am eating irregularly because I have been here for only a couple weeks. I will not weigh my body for awhile (7 more months).

"...Haldol, Prolixin [Fleuphenazine], and Risperdal...can cause permanent, severe impairments of brain function." (p. 27)

from Your Drug May Be Your Problem, by Peter R. Breggin, M.D., and David Cohen, Ph.D. (1999)

Cogentin -- Tardive Diskenesia

coming off temazapam (a "benzo")...A little hyper: 30 milligrams of Apiprazole in a.m.; 10 milligrams Apiprazole in p.m.; 10 milligrams fluephenazine in p.m.; 2 milligrams Cogentin (benzotropine mesililite --) in p.m.
I fell asleep in early evening -- My busband woke me up to take aforementioned pills -- Now I cannot sleep...
I took the pills; got a little hyper--
Does Cogentin make a person hyper? The Apiprazole makes me hyper and tired, dizzy and faint in at the same time...It also leads to premature death if taken when a person is old (older than me).
I did/do not want to take cogentin at all!
I want Cogentin to be off the list of drugs to take...

I was put on Cogentin due to showing signs of tardive diskenesia

I never wanted to take cogentin


My husband woke me up two times this past week to take pills -- ironic --- they were given to me originally to put me into a sick,dreamless sleep.

violent rapists, killers...

One night i was out with a male i went out with (said 'steady' -- who knows? -- he proposed) --i went back to his apartment with him -- i went back to his apartment with him -- we were in bed undressed. i thought we were going to have sex.--.
we were not...

he turned me over on my stomach. he pinned my hands (using wrists) down on his futon ...he somehow shoved my face into his pillow at the same time... ( i cood not breathe..)
he then raped me.

he still exists...
(he was already a convicted felon for cocaine dealing, terrified of being locked up anywhere.)

(i think, he is a serial rapist.)

i know he is a sociopath.



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