until December...

I decided not to return to this blog until December. I am transitioning right now. I am writing each day, studying a new language, and have other aspects of my life to focus upon...I also want to reflect on my previous writings...Thank you for paying attention.

transitioning

Last week one night my husband woke me up again, tho I was asleep, then I took pills. I stayed awake after taking 20 milligrams Aripiprazole, 10 milligrams Fleuphenazine, 2 milligrams Benztropine Milate. All other nights last week I slept without waking.

My mood upon waking all other days was o.k. or good.

I xercised all days, as decided (by me), but two.

I am transitioning to a new city.

I am eating irregularly because I have been here for only a couple weeks. I will not weigh my body for awhile (7 more months).

"...Haldol, Prolixin [Fleuphenazine], and Risperdal...can cause permanent, severe impairments of brain function." (p. 27)

from Your Drug May Be Your Problem, by Peter R. Breggin, M.D., and David Cohen, Ph.D. (1999)

Cogentin -- Tardive Diskenesia

coming off temazapam (a "benzo")...A little hyper: 30 milligrams of Apiprazole in a.m.; 10 milligrams Apiprazole in p.m.; 10 milligrams fluephenazine in p.m.; 2 milligrams Cogentin (benzotropine mesililite --) in p.m.
I fell asleep in early evening -- My busband woke me up to take aforementioned pills -- Now I cannot sleep...
I took the pills; got a little hyper--
Does Cogentin make a person hyper? The Apiprazole makes me hyper and tired, dizzy and faint in at the same time...It also leads to premature death if taken when a person is old (older than me).
I did/do not want to take cogentin at all!
I want Cogentin to be off the list of drugs to take...

I was put on Cogentin due to showing signs of tardive diskenesia

I never wanted to take cogentin


My husband woke me up two times this past week to take pills -- ironic --- they were given to me originally to put me into a sick,dreamless sleep.

violent rapists, killers...

One night i was out with a male i went out with (said 'steady' -- who knows? -- he proposed) --i went back to his apartment with him -- i went back to his apartment with him -- we were in bed undressed. i thought we were going to have sex.--.
we were not...

he turned me over on my stomach. he pinned my hands (using wrists) down on his futon ...he somehow shoved my face into his pillow at the same time... ( i cood not breathe..)
he then raped me.

he still exists...
(he was already a convicted felon for cocaine dealing, terrified of being locked up anywhere.)

(i think, he is a serial rapist.)

i know he is a sociopath.



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GAIN 100 LBS. WITH ZYPREXA!

In 2000-2001, i was forced to go on ZYPREXA, in USSA. It was completely forced upon me by a doctor from another country, who had obviously recently moved to USSA. I did not want to take it. doctor had big drooling dog under desk, when she lied to me that it was only that i was eating too much food, not ZYPREXA. ZYPREXA, changed my metabolism, sent me from 105 lbs. - 208 lbs.

ZYPREXA : it is a known fact that ZYPREXA has side effects. My personal experience is that it caused me to go from a size 4 (USSA) to a size 16 (USSA). It is very expensive to change clothes sizes to such a big size, physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, and in other ways, as well.

Changing size can also means that the anger is being imposed on a person by angry psycholiatric drug companies. The anger of the pills enters into your body, making you fat, which some people who are angry at skinny people, mostly fatter people with cellulite (usually), get real excited and happy about, making them happyhappyhappy.....

There are size 0 women in USSA who don't have to take ZYPREXA.....I was told by someone who DECIDED the diagnosis given to me, "Your problem is that you were too skinny."

walk to little store

Today i go out to the little store to buy two cigarette boxes. Intended to stop smoking cigarettes in Mar, but(t) was not able. Will not attempt again anytime in near future. Still, that is ok. Three quarters thru Mar 2009, I had decided: meditate 5 min., 10 pushups, 20 situps, walk 20 minutes to start....my exercise and meditation idea was interrupted....

At end of Mar 2009, intended to stop smoking naturally...

Meant to begin bicycling end of Apr 2009....

doing okay

It's Sunday again. I'm doing okay. I started to "freewrite" for 5 minutes a day last Monday. I wound up writing something else a result, about the term "battered woman". I weigh 162 lbs. I didn't begin to walk, etc. last week. I am still taking 5 mg. Abilify in the morning.


Mar 2009