schizophrenia recovery: without medication

abnormal movements

2012-01-30T15:48:00.000+10:00

medicine: 20 mg. Aripiprazole in the mornings.
diet: three to four meals a day
exercise: walking
weight: 136 lbs.
mood: okay
sleep: 8 hours

"Antipsychotic drugs should be completely stopped at the first sign of any abnormal movements. Too often doctors try to guess whether or not a particular abnormal movement, like eye blinking or grimacing, is related to tardive dyskinesia. Any abnormal movement should be considered a probable manifestation of tardive dyskinesia when the patient is taking antipsychotic drugs, including the newer ones, and the drug should be stopped as quickly as possible."

(from Peter Breggin, M.D. and David Cohen, PhD., Your Drug May Be Your Problem, 1999)

eugenics

2012-01-24T22:44:00.000+10:00

medicine: 20 mg. Aripiprazole in the mornings.
diet: three to four meals a day
exercise: walking
weight: 136 lbs.
mood: o.k.
sleep: 8 hours

"America's eugenicists even encouraged Nazi Germany in its massive sterilisation of the mentally ill, a program that led directly to crematoriums of the Holocaust."

Sir Francis Galton wanted to "breed more desirable...domestic animals through careful breeding practices...applied to humans..."

"...[Galton] wondered, 'Could not the race of men be similarly improved? Could not the undesirables be got rid of and the desirables multiplied?"

(all quotes from Mad In America by Robert Whitaker)

return to Blog.

2012-01-16T20:20:00.003+10:00

medicine: 20 mg. Aripiprazole in the mornings.
diet: three to four meals a day
exercise: walking
weight: 136 lbs.
mood: o.k.
sleep: 8 hours

My husband suggested I return to my Blog.

You can notice I added the very, very important Mad In America website to "My Blog List". Robert Whitaker's Mad In America is crucial to understanding the situation in America (and the countries America's main neuroleptic companies have colonised).

Here is an example of the countries one main neuroleptic company, Eli Lilly (Global manufacturing plants), has colonised.

taking time away from Blog.

2012-01-07T20:05:00.001+10:00

I've decided to take some time away from my Blog. I have a lot of other work to do.

I have lost 80 lbs. since 2001. I am 20 lbs. overweight. I am healthier because I lost weight I was forced to gain on prescription pills and prescription injections. I am doing well.

I am considering returning to my Blog in May, 2012. I will consider returning during the second to the last week of May, 2012.

Thank you for reading.

"incarcerated"

2011-11-29T22:54:00.001+10:00

medicine: 20 mg. Aripiprazole in the mornings.
diet: three to four meals a day
exercise: walking
weight: 129 lbs.
mood: o.k.
sleep: 8 hours

The mass killer in Norway, Brevik, was declared paranoid schizophrenic.

Of him, John Christian Elden said, "...he will of course be incarcerated."

"And if the outcome is criminally sane or insane, that is, first and foremost a psychiatric question. The most important thing in our clients' opinion is that he will not be able to walk the streets."

What is interesting to me, here (as one who was formerly declared "paranoid schizophrenic", then, c/"schizophrenia", then, "schizoaffective") is that the word "incarcerated" and the words "will not be able to walk the streets" are used to describe the outcome for one called "paranoid schizophrenic", "schizophrenic", "schizoaffective", "bipolar", and "depressed".

Obvious, I know, that Brevik deserves to be incarcerated and not able to walk the streets.

Many, however, like me, are incarcerated and not allowed to walk the streets when they are not a danger to others or themselves.

It is for those people that I write this blog.

decaf coffee could cause a heart risk

2011-11-29T08:44:00.001+10:00

medicine: 20 mg. Aripiprazole in the mornings.
diet: three to four meals a day
exercise: walking
weight: 135 lbs.
mood: o.k.
sleep: 8 hours

In a USSA study involving almost two hundred people, decaf coffee is seen to probably cause an increase in bad cholesterol. An increase in bad cholesterol can lead to heart disease and diabetes.

decaf coffee linked to heart risk

Images capture moment brain goes unconscious

2011-11-25T02:18:00.001+10:00

medicine: 20 mg. Aripiprazole in the mornings.
diet: three to four meals a day
exercise: walking, dancing
weight: 129 lbs. (published 12-26-11)
mood: o.k.
sleep: 8 hours

A new imaging technique monitors the brain as it slips into unconsciousness.

This new technique "could ultimately help doctors pinpoint damage in the brains of people suffering from stroke and head injury."

"For the first time researchers have monitored the brain as it slips into unconsciousness."

Images capture moment brain goes unconscious

the brain dealing with memory of traumatic events

2011-11-24T22:57:00.001+10:00

medicine: 20 mg. Aripiprazole in the mornings.
diet: three to four meals a day
exercise: walking, dancing
weight: 129 lbs. (published 12-26-11)
mood: o.k.
sleep: 8 hours

"Most people have to deal with traumatic events at some point in their lives, and, for some, these can produce post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), leaving them emotionally disturbed long after the event itself."

Consultant clinical psychologist Dr Roderick Orner said, "In cases of more severe trauma, it may be just too difficult for the patient to process it during sleep, especially if the event has had a significant impact on that person's day to day life."

how the brain deals with the memory of unpleasant or traumatic events during sleep

teeth

2011-11-24T19:27:00.001+10:00

medicine: 20 mg. Aripiprazole in the mornings.
diet: three to four meals a day
exercise: walking
weight: 135 lbs.
mood: o.k.
sleep: 8 hours

Since I have been on prescription pills and injections (needles), my teeth have been destroyed. Since I have been on prescription pills and injections (needles), my teeth have been destroyed.

The prescription pills and injections (needles) make anyone tired really, really, really early. I fell/fall asleep really, really, really early without knowing I would/will fall asleep.

So, I would forget and be unable to brush my teeth.

I would not only forget and be unable to brush my teeth, but I would eat more on prescription pills and injections (needles), especially Olanzapine (Zyprexa), which changes anyone's metabolism.

"Gain 100 lbs with Zyprexa!"

from Tuesday, April 14, 2009

GAIN 100 LBS. WITH ZYPREXA!

In 2000-2001, i was forced to go on ZYPREXA, in USSA. It was completely forced upon me by a doctor from another country. I did not want to take it. The doctor had big drooling dog under desk, when she lied to me that it was only that i was eating too much food, not ZYPREXA. ZYPREXA changed my metabolism sending me from 110 lbs. - 210 lbs.

ZYPREXA : it is a known fact that ZYPREXA has side effects. My personal experience is that it caused me to go from a size 4 (USSA) to a size 16 (USSA). It is very expensive to change clothes sizes to such a big size, physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, and in other ways, as well.

There are size 0 women in USSA who don't have to take ZYPREXA.....I was told by someone who DECIDED the diagnosis given to me, "Your problem is that you were too skinny."

One in four American women.

2011-11-21T12:34:00.001+10:00

medicine: 20 mg. Aripiprazole in the mornings.
diet: three to four meals a day
exercise: walking, dancing
weight: 132 lbs.
mood: o.k.
sleep: 8 hours

Over one-quarter of Americans take a prescription pill or injection for conditions like anxiety and depression. "Women are more likely than men to take antipsychotic drugs, according to a new report. Prescriptions for psychiatric problems in all adults have risen 22% since 2001." This article shows the "Percent of the Population on Mental Health Medications by Region" in the United States, as well.

One in four American women take medication for a mental disorder

Brain Cells' Genetic Make-Up Changes Thousands of Times.

2011-11-06T14:12:00.000+10:00

medicine: 20 mg. Aripiprazole in the mornings.
diet: three to four meals a day
exercise: walking, dancing
weight: 132 lbs.
mood: o.k.
sleep: 8 hours

"The genetic make-up of our brain cells changes thousands of times over the course of our lifetimes, according to new research."

from: DNA gene theories on how the brain works

"The study shows for the first time that brain cells are genetically different to other cells in the body, and are also genetically distinct from each other."

Retrotransposons, genes, have been identified by scientists, which cause very small changes "...in the DNA of brain tissue."

Dr. Geoff Faulkner said, ""If we can understand better how these subtle genetic changes occur we could shed light on how brain cells regenerate, how processes like memory formation may have a genetic basis and possibly link the activity of these genes to brain diseases."

Coffee Assists Women's Memory

2011-10-23T15:58:00.000+10:00

medicine: 20 mg. Aripiprazole in the mornings.
diet: three to four meals a day
exercise: walking, dancing
weight: 133 lbs.
mood: o.k.
sleep: 8 hours

I lost 12 lbs in the last month and three quarters. I lost approximately 2 lbs. a week, which is an acceptable amount to lose a week.

An article for women sixty-five and older (or for those preparing).
Women sixty-five and older who drink three and over three cups of coffee a day perform better on memory tests compared with those who drink one or less cups of coffee a day.

The study, involving 7000 women, also "raises the possibility that caffeine may even protect against the development of dementia"

Men's memories are not affected in this way by coffee. The reason is unclear.

Coffee 'protects female memory'

Benediction

2011-10-14T22:19:00.004+10:00

Benediction by Thurston Moore

even a vacation is difficult.

2011-09-06T02:23:00.001+10:00

medicine: 20 mg. Aripiprazole in the mornings.
diet: three to four meals a day
exercise: walking
weight: 145 lbs.
mood: o.k.
sleep: 8 hours

Aripiprazole (Abilify) has very, very bad
side effects that make even a vacation difficult. Ari-
piprazole (Abilify) makes summer or spring or "Indian
summer" or life in a hot climate difficult and painful, as
well. If you sweat on Aripiprazole (Abilify), are out in hot
sun or live in a (like a) hot climate, you could die of a heat
stroke. If you want to drink liquor, beer or wine, even
sometimes, Aripiprazole (Abilify) is not for you.
(Odd, to come from an alcoholic family and be someone
called a "teetotaler" by them, that that family-of-origin decides
to put me on many medicines that do not allow any alcoholic
drinks.) Aripiprazole (Abilify) can make a person feel very
groggy or sedated, as well, while hyper.

drinking coffee strategically

2011-08-16T03:19:00.009+10:00

medicine: 20 mg. Aripiprazole in the mornings.
diet: three to four meals a day
exercise: walking
weight: 145 lbs.
mood: o.k.
sleep: 8 hours

Medicine, taken. Diet, okay. Exercise, good. Weight, same. Mood, o.k. Sleep, eight hours.

My husband informed me of an article about coffee intake. It recommends that one weans himself off of coffee. Then, go without coffee for ten days straight. After that, one can use coffee strategically by drinking a strong cup of occasional coffee "as a...smart pick-me-up."

What you do not want is a "daily tolerance". Have a strategic cup of coffee (drinking it "fairly quickly"), then, take a nap for fifteen minutes and wake up refreshed.

How To Break Your Daily Coffee Intake and Use Coffee Strategically

GABA is also a coffee compound. GABA "is the chief inhibitory transmitter in the mammalian central nervous system." Neurotransmitter functions and functioning are of interest. So, reconsider drinking a lot of coffee.

Coffee Intake Leads to Hallucinations

2011-08-08T14:52:00.010+10:00

medicine: 20 mg. Aripiprazole in the mornings.
diet: three to four meals a day
exercise: walking
weight: 145 lbs.
mood: o.k.
sleep: 8 hours

'Visions Link' to coffee intake

Some experiences reported after caffeine include: "seeing things that were not there, hearing voices, and sensing the presence of dead people."

Coffee intake could be considered when deciding that a person has "hallucinations" and shall be locked up in a mental hospital.

A Durham University team "also stress that experiencing hallucinations is not a definite sign of mental illness and that about 3% of people regularly hear voices."

Stopping smoking.

2011-08-01T22:13:00.003+10:00

medicine: 20 mg. Aripiprazole in the mornings.
diet: three to four meals a day
exercise: walking
weight: 146 lbs.
mood: o.k.
sleep: 8 hours

I could not have to stop smoking in one to two weeks. I am uncertain in exactly how many weeks I will have to stop smoking. There could be time to "titrate down". If possible, I can decrease by one cigarette every one to two days. This is less painful than stopping suddenly. I do not want to stop suddenly.

I am uncertain exactly how many cigarettes I smoke a day. So, first, I will have to count the cigarettes I smoke for four days to get an average of cigarettes smoked a day.

I am going to look at The Way To Stop Smoking by Allen Carr. The Way To Stop Smoking by Allen Carr was very recommended by a woman who stopped smoking with her husband in one day.

Although I plan to not stop smoking in one day, it could assist me to stop smoking.

I have a role model. He stopped smoking twenty years ago.

I know a woman who smokes e-cigs. She switched to e-cigs to stop smoking. My husband has suggested that he and I could smoke e-cigs. We have studied e-cigs.

I have people who have encouraged me to stop smoking. One woman smokes infrequently. One woman does not smoke and dislikes smoking a lot.

I was told by my brother that stopping smoking will assist me. My husband does not like the smell nor taste of cigarettes.

I do not have anything against smokers. I never really stopped anyone from smoking around me.

I plan not to stop smokers from smoking. I have to stop smoking.

Titration and Stopping smoking

2011-07-26T04:06:00.002+10:00

medicine: 20 mg. Aripiprazole in the mornings.
diet: three to four meals a day
exercise: walking
weight: 146 lbs.
mood: o.k.
sleep: 8 hours

Titration must be done very gradually. Titration is best explained in Beyond Meds' Water titration for slow and controlled psychiatric drug withdrawal.

I have to stop smoking in two to three weeks. I am preparing while continuing to smoke. I will not have time to "titrate down", smoking one less every one to two days. I could "titrate down", for one to two weeks, but I would not be stopped, yet.

I would only decrease by 3 - 14 cigarettes, not completely. So, I will stop suddenly, which is not recommended.

I must stop smoking within three weeks. I am smoking, now.

getting over mourning and a howto: titration

2011-07-19T00:15:00.011+10:00

medicine: 20 mg. Aripiprazole in the mornings.
diet: three to four meals a day
exercise: walking
weight: 146 lbs.
mood: o.k.
sleep: 8 hours

I am getting over mourning quite well. There was some extra attention to email due to mourning of me and others.

I took off for a week to mourn, too.

I am back to work, now, writing, cooking, cleaning, and preparing for my family here. My family here is doing well, studying and working.

One family member moved to a new place within her country. We assisted her a little bit with that, too, staying in contact.

My husband said that, at the end of this month, I can begin to titrate down on Aripiprazole. I will be getting a mortar and pestle.

We also require these items: a small mixer, a dropper, and two lab cylinders.

Here is a howto: titration.

(I will explain titration in the next Post.)

I feel sad.

2011-07-12T02:40:00.004+10:00

medicine: 20 mg. Aripiprazole in the mornings.
diet: three to four meals a day
exercise: walking, bicycling
weight: 146 lbs.
mood: o.k.
sleep: 8 hours

On Monday, and for the last few days, I am in mourning. Someone close to me died.

I feel sad.

I am attempting to pay extra attention to honouring my heart and what my heart requires. I am o.k., but, sad.

My husband and I went out bicycling when we dealt with the news. My husband and I are both sad.

Aripiprazole

2011-06-27T18:00:00.017+10:00

Today, I will return to listing (from last week):

medicine: 20 mg. Aripiprazole in the mornings.
diet: four meals a day
exercise: walking
weight: 146 lbs.
mood: o.k.
sleep: 8 hours

I am attempting to sleep 8 hours a night. And, this week, I succeeded!

My mood was okay.

I lost fifteen lbs. since marrying and since beginning this blog.

I gained 100 lbs. on Olanzapine, also known as Zyprexa. People have been known to gain up to 250 lbs. on Olanzapine (Zyprexa), though doctors will tell you that weight gain is not a side-effect.

A doctor actually told me that I suddenly gained weight after being forced on Olanzapine (Zyprexa) because I ate too much.

I told her, "No."

She would not allow me off of Olanzapine (Zyprexa), though. I had to get a new doctor to get off of Olanzapine (Zyprexa).

I was only allowed a new doctor when she moved to a new location in the state, in USSA.

Of course, one must eat too much to gain weight, but Olanzapine (Zyprexa) causes a person to want to eat extra food.

Weight gain is a side-effect. My metabolism slowed down. I wanted to eat a lot. I was very extremely tired on Olanzapine (Zyprexa), too.

I am attempting to lose the last 35 lbs. I gained on Olanzapine (Zyprexa).

I am walking almost every day. I am attempting to eat four meals a day.

I am prescribed to take a prescription pill, Aripiprazole, 20 mg., in the mornings.

Aripiprazole is a pretty new prescription pill. Thus, its long-term side-effects are undocumented. I began to be prescribed Aripiprazole in 2002 or 2003. Aripiprazole was heavily advertised on a television commercial as an anti-depressant.

The commercials were lovely, c/everyone happy in them. Aripiprazole is also called Abilify.

I was told by someone on Aripiprazole that it caused her to gain 20 lbs. I was told by someone else on Aripiprazole that it caused her to hallucinate a lot of cockroaches on the walls.

I will begin again.

2011-06-18T18:16:00.009+10:00

I will begin to again to list:

medication:
diet:
exercise:
mood:
weight:
sleep:

My husband believes that my sleep is the main thing in recovering. I am paying attention to diet and exercise, to attempt to return to my metabolism. My mood is good. My weight is 15 lbs. less due to diet and exercise improvements. I have thirty lbs. left to lose.

I am on 20 milligrams of Aripiprazole, in the mornings. (I have a sleeping pill, as well, but I do not use a sleeping pill. My husband does not like me to take a sleeping pill, as they are highly addictive.)

I am walking, bicycling, and eating less sugar, while eating vegetables and fruits. I am considering a Macrobiotic diet or a Paleolithic diet.

not an alcoholic

2011-05-04T18:32:00.002+10:00

A couple of weeks ago, someone congratulated me on my "clean date", from a year ago. But, on the day before my "clean date", I had a half a small glass of dark beer. And, too, I since realised that I am not an alcoholic.

(1) I took the Alcoholic Quiz. According to the Alcoholic Quiz, I am not an alcoholic.

(2) When I stopped drinking, in 1987 or 1988, I allowed for a glass of red wine a month. I only drank 1 glass of red wine every four to six months.

(3) I usually do not drink alcohol.

(4) I drink about three to four times a year, at most.

I know that I am an Adult Child of Alcoholics.

Life expectancy reduced by up to twenty-five years

2011-04-04T16:09:00.003+10:00

The life expectancy of those who are told that they have "schizophrenia" or "bi-polar disorder (manic-depression)" is reduced by up to twenty-five years.

This is due to obesity, inactivity, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes, mostly.
These can all be linked to the prescription pills and prescription injections that those labelled "schizophrenic" or "bi-polar" are forced to take.

Obesity (or a large weight gain) is frequently associated with the prescription pills and prescription injections. A large weight gain (or obesity) causes inactivity, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes.

The other two factors, excessive alcohol consumption and cigarette smoking, while legal, can be increased in usage in those on the prescription pills and prescription injections due to the pain and stress of the "side-effects" of them.

"A surprisingly high proportion were being prescribed atypical antipsychotic drugs associated with weight gain"

from MedicalNewsToday:

Life expectancy, dramatically reduced

20 mg Aripiprazole at night

2011-01-04T14:24:00.002+09:00

Beginning on 30 November 10, a doctor from USSA said to take 20 mg Aripiprazole at night.

I never had auditory hallucinations

2010-12-07T15:53:00.002+09:00

"In 1962, Leo Hollister, a Veteran's Administration (VA) psychiatrist in California, delivered a devastating critique of [the Dopamine "experimentation",] this 'popular tool' in psychiatric research, arguing that LSD, mescaline, psilocybin, and other psychedelics didn't produce a model psychosis at all. Such agents primarily provoked visual hallucinations, whereas schizophrenic patients mostly grapples with auditory delusions. The drugs were simply making them suffer in new ways." -- 'Mad In America', by Robert Whitaker

I never had auditory hallucinations until after mid-April 1996.

alcohol harmful compared to heroin

2010-11-27T01:14:00.000+09:00

alcohol harmful

I admit I had 'insomnia'

2010-11-19T19:53:00.002+09:00

I admit I had 'insomnia'.

I had 'insomnia' one night in 1993.

I had 'insomnia' seven nights in 1996 before 15 Mar 96, in January - 14 Mar 96.

Is 'insomnia' indirectly showing a woman over thirty years is "schizophrenic"?

I do not believe so.

schizophrenia "relatively uncommon" after 30

2010-11-17T20:21:00.003+09:00

"Three-quarters of the individuals with schizophrenia, develop the disease between the ages 16 and 25. It is relatively uncommon after the age of 30,"

Weird, that in an individual schizophrenia "is relatively uncommon after the age of 30". I was "relatively uncommon", as I was said to be an individual "with schizophrenia" after the age of 30.
Also, schizophrenia is more uncommon in women than in men.

I am female.

i am a woman

2010-11-02T01:49:00.002+09:00

I took the beardedladydisease test/quiz. I had almost all false. (in 2005)

I am uncertain that the beardedladydisease test/quiz is in this great blog, as I am in a hurry:

www.schizophrenia-thebeardedladydisease.com

please look.

i know that when hospitalised, a woman is allowed only a razor, which causes hair to grow faster into a "moustache", if a woman has hair between nose and upper lip.

someone recently recommended that i 'wax' my chin and lower cheeks on my face, which i refused to do, as the same would happen.

sometimes, a woman can be assisted by a friend's recommendation.

where i live, in eastern europa, there are some women who have some hair growing between nose and upper lip who are respected (and even loved).

i must go.

i am a woman.

"...one or two things..."

2010-10-15T23:04:00.002+10:00

"I'll find a soapbox on which to shout it...And I can think of one or two things to say..."
--the White Stripes

"...find a soapbox..."
"...shout it..."

{i have visitors from Berlin.}

Sad

2010-10-14T06:07:00.001+10:00

"Sad to see that you're suffering. Work hard at being a something."
--The Associates

cyberbullying

2010-10-10T00:22:00.005+10:00

"no longer will bloggers be able to 'lob' insults", according to a federal ussa judge.

A woman was "a psychotic, lying, whoring...skank" in a Google blog.

"The court sided with Cohen[, the woman,] citing defamation 'concerning her appearance, hygiene, and sexual conduct'."

see:

words, "ho","psychotic", "lying", "whoring", "skank"

My appearance when five humans (two females and three males) decided to phone police on (me) was my best dress, my best coat (the weather changed to warm on 15 March 1996, in Chicago). [After one month and a half homeless, treated well by police and not raped.] My hygiene was fine (but called poor later, i think), fingernails were clean, my body was not dirty.

My sexual conduct was nobody's business. No one asked me about my sexual conduct .

I was told in Saint Louis that I was going to get a "shot" of risperdal because I was "not wearing make up that day". A nurse showed me.

I was told in Saint Louis that I was put in a mental hospital when I said I was getting a tattoo.

I was called 'names' worse than the above, (though probably in email rather that in blogs).

I think "schiz", "schizo", and "schizophrenic", in ussa, are also 'names'.

from the article:

"Not surprisingly, the experience has soured the Manhattan demi-monde for Cohen, a Canadian. 'There are very few places I'll go now,' she says. 'I won't just go anywhere. I need to know there are friends there, otherwise I get freaked.'"

rock on

2010-10-02T12:01:00.000+10:00

Rock On

a metalbed room

2010-10-02T11:54:00.003+10:00

a metalbed room

There is a camera on ceiling.

There is a toilet with no sink in the left back corner.
You cannot use the toilet in the left back corner with no sink.

You cannot say no to a metalbed room

A metalbed room is very, very, very, very hot when
the door is locked.

In the metalbed room is a metalbed.

Stare at the camera on the ceiling. Try to get off of
the metalbed. Try, just try. Now, "try a little
bit harder!" There is a bedpan on the metalbed,
you have no underwear on the metalbed, so
you can pee! You can shit on a metal bed!
Yea!

Try to get off of the metalbed. Try, try.
Now, "Try a little bit harder!"

Thank you! All of you! Thank you
metalbed salesmen! Thank you metalbed
room makers!!

"...seen as sufficient time for a 'diagnosis'"

2010-10-01T20:00:00.000+10:00

From "Beyond the Psychiatric Box" (in blogroll to left)

"The Psychiatric Box...

The psychiatrist appears to listen to the patient's distress but not for too long. Often now, ten to fifteen minutes is seen as sufficient time for a 'diagnosis'."

a lifelong vigilance

2010-09-29T21:54:00.004+10:00

from PSYCHOLOGY AND ANTHROPOLOGY
(Narrated by David Carradine)

-----------------the Spirit-------------------------

spirit possessed

"What is real to the Aimara is often invisible."

"Malignant forces - can cause crop failure" to the Aimara.

"...and spirit possessions [are] accepted among the Aimara."

Of one Aimara man, 'twas said, "...but he became possessed when he couldn't prevent
weariness. Weariness overcame his lifelong vigilance."

I had a lifelong vigilance which was interrupted in 1996, March, on a friday.
I was not suicidal. I had never attempted suicide. I was not a "danger to myself or others."
I was not weary.

One Aimara man had "...repeated threats of suicide..." He couldn't sleep.

He later said, "This business of going 'crazy' is a bad thing."

I had slept. I was not tired. I was not a "danger to myself and others."

I was told by six representatives of an organisation and two former employers that I was "a danger to myself or others."

from (a blog) from the New Yorker:

2010-09-27T18:39:00.005+10:00

from (a blog) "Words That Drive Me Crazy" from the New Yorker:

"Words that make me 'scream in pain' are:
monetise
prioritise
incentivise
contextualise
utilise
prioritise
juniorise"

((I do not have time to find again (a blog) to credit writer.))

________________________________________________

A word and a phrase that make me 'scream in pain' and 'drive me crazy' include:
crazy
'scream in pain'

from wildflowers movement: "...gifted children or adults..."

2010-09-21T04:09:00.007+10:00

I started with what was termed a "depression" by a (phobia) psychologist. I wondered later if untreated "depression" could result in schizophrenia. Having read, I realise that this is not so. I am explaining this elsewhere.

I am posting this, partly, for a friend with a child diagnosed "Bi-Polar" when he was younger than ten. The child is considered 'gifted and talented' in school and at home. Though I offered, rather recently, this blog to her family, I did not know how to discuss anything related to her child's diagnosis with her. Here is a mild attempt to do that, now that I decided, as a blogger to address the growing diagnoses of children.

The blog beneath states: "...existential depression or learning disability, when present in gifted children or adults, requires a different approach because new dimensions are added by the giftedness component."

I am currently discovering that what was considered a "depression" by a psychologist (treatable without medications) could have been existential sorrow or melancholia over the loss of love and the loss of the love of my best friend. (at the same time)

My family of origin's responses are usually to "barge in" when there was a request to not "barge in" or to "pull back" when there was an attempt at communication. This is extreme, this is rude.

I was older than ten (a 'tenner') when this happened to me. This was the beginning of my recorded conversation with psychologists (which was, back then, quite distinct from psychiatry). Unfortunately, I have noticed, no more.

Gifted and talented children... the mis-diagnoses

Please look into this entire blog, the posts beneath this one are beautifully written and insightful..

important news: Joaquin Phoenix does not have schizophrenia!

2010-09-19T15:02:00.003+10:00

This is a great story about how badly someone who has schizophrenia is treated.

Joaquin Phoenix decided to act. He acted. He played guitar until he could play in film. He acted, acted, acted. He played guitar in film. He dressed up in film.

Then, for some reason, he decided to act while singing 'rap music'. (I am not certain if the 'rap music' is/was called 'rap music' by Joaquin Phoenix, but it's good.) He wore a beard and a moustache. He was angry at fans and photographers (perhaps).

writer says Letterman knew Phoenix was faking

He went on the David Letterman show, as an actor, acting (he acted as an actor, as a guest, as a guest actor, as a very beautiful "ruse".)

Joaquin Phoenix does not have schizophrenia!!

--katiaea

testify, please

2010-09-19T04:54:00.000+10:00

testify (by rage against the machine)

a cold

2010-09-18T23:17:00.001+10:00

I have a cold. I will post next week. Too busy with a cold.
No this past week this week.

neuroleptics and antidepressants: abnormal dreams

2010-09-15T21:09:00.002+10:00

"The medicine (drugs) can even [cause] abnormal dreams."
--Robert Whitaker

I have/had since the medicine many abnormal dreams. I do not want or care to discuss them. I can tell my husband, if I want.

autistic children and those with "other developmental disorders"

2010-09-11T16:03:00.006+10:00

Autistic children are going to be given "functional connectivity 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI)'s, along with children with "some other developmental disorders." What are the "other developmental disorders"? I am uncertain.

"Certain connections in the brain get stronger over time; "others are pruned away", according to researchers (psychologist researchers).
A "brain age scale" has been created from 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI) brain scans of two hundred "normal people" with "typical" brain connections.
The research is said to show connections in the "brains of children with autism are [a bit] weaker than in typical children", a psychologist researcher said.
These scans will be used to test "brain networks" in infants "to spot signs of trouble".

determining 'brain age' with a simple scan

I think that these will probably be used more in infants. I think that if they are used after medicines, a good idea is to give a 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI) before medicines.

As of now, 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI) has been used after medicines, so there are not comparisons of the brains of one with "schizophrenia" before medicines. The medicines change bodies, blood, brains. How do we know what the brain of one with "schizophrenia" looks like, really, since there are only 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI)'s after the medicines are given. The medicines change brains, blood, and bodies. Can the 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI)'s be given before the medicines are given, to show that one has "autism", "schizophrenia", "manic depression (bipolar)", and "other developmental disorders"?

This makes more sense, I beleive, because after the medicines given to those who are not given 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI)'s there is not any way to tell if there was a person with "autism", "schizophrenia", "manic depression (bipolar)", and "other developmental disorders" (including "depression" (unipolar), "schizoaffective disorder", and, what others?).
Once the medicines are given, the 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI)'s show the damage done by medicine; certainly, there are changes in blood, bodies, and brains.

When a 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI) shows that a person has "autism", "schizophrenia", "manic depression (bipolar)" or "other developmental disorders", is it showing the effect and/or impact of the medicines on the brains, bodies, and blood of those already given medicine? I think so.

Often, certainly sometimes, a person has been said to have "schizophrenia" only after death and a lifetime (usually from the "tens" (10-19)) of medicines. How can we know that the brain studies show "schizophrenia" when the medicines cause so many changes in bodies, brains, and blood.

Remember the identical twin studies. Even understanding that the medicines cause many brain, body, and blood changes: less than 48% of identical twins both have "schizophrenia". I think, genes in identical twins are mainly or mostly identical. How can "schizophrenia" be a genetic disorder if this is true? Less than 48% of identical twins both have "schizophrenia".

Why don't we give 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI)'s to children, "tens", and adults before they are put down and "put away"?

[No "this past week" for this past week.]

note: the word "schizophrenia" and the 'disease' "schizophrenia are only one hundred years old. the word "teenager" is less than one hundred years old (i call them "tens".)

Happy Rosh Hashonah!

Part I - Robert Whitaker on Madness Radio

2010-09-05T16:21:00.007+10:00

For schizophrenia, Robert Whitaker said, "40% of those off drugs are recovered after five years; 5% of those on drugs are recovered after five years." (on Madness Radio)

I believe this research. What is called "schizophrenia" (for the last hundred years only) is not assisted by medicine (the drugs).

"Once you are on the drugs, there's a pretty high chance you'll relapse. ", said Robert Whitaker on Madness Radio.

"That relapse rate is greatly increased by the fact that the drugs change their brain" -- R.W.

Are the changes in the brain shown in colour photos of those with "schizophrenia" caused by "schizophrenia" or the medicine (the drugs)?

"How is it working for society as a whole?
It's not."
-- Robert Whitaker

Who profits? Not patients. Investors.

"From science's point of view
exposure to drugs [antidepressants]
doubled the risk of chronic illness."
--R.W.

Someone I know also became labelled manic-depressive (bipolar) only after on antidepressants. This is very common, according to Robert Whitaker.

"In psychiatry almost all [are] on advisory boards, consultants to pharma..."
--R.W.

Robert Whitaker said that "...drugs [can be] used as tools in thoughtful ways." There must be "honest research, honest reports," informed decisions, and "weigh[ed] benefits."

Who benefits, really? Who profits.

See:
Madness Radio, Sane Medication Policy, Robert Whitaker

Aripiprazole on vacation

2010-09-05T03:32:00.004+10:00

Aripiprazole (Abilify) has very, very bad side effects that make a vacation difficult. Aripiprazole (Abilify) makes summer or spring or "Indian Summer", even, more difficult and painful, as well. If you sweat on Aripiprazole (Abilify) or are out in hot sun, you could die of a heat stroke.

If you want to drink wine, liquor or beer, even sometimes, Aripiprazole (Abilify) is not for you.

(Odd, coming from an alcoholic family, being someone called a "teetotaler" by them, that that family-of-origin decided to put me on many medicines that do not allow alcoholic drinks.)

Aripiprazole (Abilify) can make a person very sedated (or groggy), as well.

Risperdal (Risperedone) causes problems

2010-09-04T15:37:00.005+10:00

I was put on Risperdal (Risperedone) without being told that Risperdal (Risperedone) causes, often, a woman's menstrual cycle to disappear.

My husband and I believed that I was pregnant. We wasted a month to a month and a half finding a doctor to tell us otherwise. Only then did my then psychiatrist inform us that he knew all along that Risperdal (Risperedone) causes, often, a woman's menstrual cycle to disappear.

My friend thought for months, even a year, that she was already in menopause, though she was fairly young. Only when we spoke of our desire(s) for children did we find that she, too, was losing her menstrual cycle to Risperdal (Risperedone).

Now, Risperdal (Risperedone) is given to children; Risperdal (Risperedone) causes drooling, sedation, weight gain, and an "altered personality".

See:

Child's Ordeal Shows Risks of Psychosis Drugs for Young

Is Risperdal (Risperedone) a form of sterilisation for women? I believe mental hospitalisations are.

I gained a little weight while on vacation. Still on 15 mg Aripiprazole (Abilify). Aripiprazole made our vacation much, much more difficult. I will explain why in future.

This past week:

medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
sleep: average (on vacation, unknown)
exercise: walking, swimming, bicycling
diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day, ate four meals a day
weight: 160 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

"i'm love sick"

2010-08-27T21:47:00.002+10:00

love sick

electronic records, medicine for adults, tens, and children

2010-08-27T02:59:00.005+10:00

pardon, for not writing for a few weeks. I am busy with my husband and work. Now, we are going on a vacation, so I am posting a day early. I was not able to weigh my body today, so I will not post "this past week". I forgot. I always weigh my body early in the morning.

two people told me that I was "schizophrenic" because I was "too skinny".

On to the news:

electronic records exist in the ussa (any record can be found by any doctor, I saw that while there)

medicine for adults is changing (some abilify 5 mg is white and tastes like candy)

medicine for tens is changing (sometimes a play, short story, novel, poem, or song can lead to medicine if it is considered too violent of writing or indicative of something not liked by those who are in power and considered normal)

medicine for children --- there is much, much, much more (now, can be given based on parents', sisters' or brothers' personal info in electronic records)

no.no. no. no. ussa

these medicines originated in ussa.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

sexual trauma can lead to schizophrenia diagnosis

2010-08-08T13:30:00.001+10:00

In the article below, an investigation shows "that sexual trauma plays a role in the development of psychotic disorders such as schizophrenia."

There is, further noted, the trend that trauma victims will move from the location of the sexual trauma, causing "disruption of social networks", which can result in even further mental problems.

There was shown to be a connection between a rape and the later "diagnosis of a psychotic disorder" during the ten years following.

See article:

sexual trauma can 'spark' mental illness

The connection discovered in this study is invaluable. Indications are that sexual trauma can lead, not only to a "psychotic disorder", but to a diagnosis of schizophrenia. This has now been shown. But where will it lead?

One professor involved in the study "said that the research has important implications on treatment and developing therapies for those with schizophrenia."

Premature Mortality

2010-08-07T08:11:00.000+10:00

Those with serious mental illnesses, in this study, lost 14.5 years of potential life:

premature mortality in those with serious mental illness

Heart disease was the main cause of death. "Primary health care" is suggested to reduce this premature mortality rate.

This past week:

medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
sleep: average 10 hrs
exercise: walking
diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day, ate four meals a day
weight: 155 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

the incurable

2010-08-05T15:31:00.005+10:00

Louise Hay said, "Every time you hear something is 'incurable,' know that they have not yet discovered a cure it and you must go within to find your own solution. Know there is an Intelligence greater."

That is what I am looking for here. A way "within" to find my "own solution." Hopefully, the posts and suggestions here will assist others as I find my way to recovery.

Major "life stressors" can "trigger" schizophrenia, said to be 'incurable' and a disease for life:

Today's post: You're Nuts, Not Traumatized - Life Sentence: Schizophrenia

The above blog post indicates that stressors in the home can lead to the diagnosis of schizophrenia.

"Why I Write" in FWD by Abby Jean

2010-08-05T00:29:00.003+10:00

This piece was written for Blog Against Disablism Day (BADD), May, 2010. I think it sums up good reasons for writing, especially in the line: "I write because I want things to change." There are also some interesting asides about people with mental illness. Please check it out:

Why I write by Abby Jean in FWD

Thank you, Abby Jean!

suggestions for dealing with voices

2010-07-31T15:44:00.001+10:00

Five different options for dealing with hearing 'voices':

What works best in coping with voices and other intrusive experiences?

I find myself fighting the 'voices' I hear. It helps to have heard that the hallucinations are memories. Sometimes, I remind myself that my brain is creating them from memory; this helps.
I would prefer to use a different method than fighting, but currently that is not possible.

This past week:

medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
sleep: average 10 hrs
exercise: walking
diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day, ate four meals a day
weight: 160 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

needing drugs for the rest of your life?

2010-07-24T01:58:00.000+10:00

In her book review of Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker, Jenny Westberg sees that mental illness outcomes are made worse by long-term use of medicine. Further, the medicine is not needed for there rest of one's life. Symptoms after stopping the medicine can be the effects of withdrawal from the medicines themselves.

From "Book Review: Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker", by Jenny Westberg in Portland Mental Health Examiner:

"Study after study showed that outcomes for mental illness are worsened, not improved, by long-term, routine use of psychiatric medications. There was no good evidence showing that people with mental illness need drugs for the rest of their lives. There was plenty of evidence of terrible side effects."

Westberg further says,"Another question: Once a person is on psychiatric medications, they are often cautioned not to stop taking them – and if they do quit, sure enough, symptoms return. Doesn’t this prove they needed the drugs? Actually, says Whitaker, it may simply prove that the drugs have withdrawal symptoms. Since psychiatric medications affect the brain, it makes sense that withdrawal affects the brain, with symptoms that can resemble the original illness."

This past week:

I meditated 5 minutes each morning to a compact disc of "OM".

medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
sleep: average 10 hrs
exercise: walking, bicycling
diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day, ate four meals a day
weight: 159 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

Recovery, defined in two blogs

2010-07-23T11:32:00.001+10:00

Phillip Dawdy, in Furious Seasons blog, says that the main thing one must do to achieve recovery is to accept one's diagnosis. He says, "The biggest thing you've go to do is accept your diagnosis (and this comes from someone who has issues with some of the diagnoses and diagnosticians), or you are going to be wrestling with yourself for a long time. It's not worth doing. You know damn well that something is up with you, so what do you intend to do about it?" The next two things he suggests are: "no suicide" and "never give up". After that, he discusses the importance of environment, of not blaming the illness, and of going on as few medicines as possible. Then, he suggests that you must accept "that you'll always have symptoms." After that, he discusses the importance of sleep and exercise.

Read in:

"Slouching towards Recovery" from Furious Seasons blog

Gianna Kali responds in her blog, Beyond Meds. She mainly disagrees with Dawdy's assertion that one must accept their diagnosis.

She says, "So do I still accept my diagnosis. No. And I’ll tell you why. The diagnosis bipolar disorder is a catch-all phrase for a variety of symptom clusters. And it’s a large variety of symptom clusters. Philip says if I don’t accept my diagnosis I will be struggling with myself for a long time. Well I can tell you I struggle with myself less now than I did for the years that I accepted my diagnosis. Since I’ve taken control of my life and chosen to treat my illness as I choose to I’ve become self-empowered. As much as I’ve become self-empowered, I struggle less."

Kali's response in: "What is Recovery?" from Beyond Meds blog

As for myself, I have not ever accepted the diagnosis, "schizophrenia". (At one point, I was also given the label, "schizoaffective".) I do, sometimes, feel that there is a problem with this, in that I am not accepting what is generally granted to be "reality", the accepted by society opinion of trained doctors. I do not believe that there is a problem that has to do with what is called "insight into the illness", generally meaning, the patient accepts the diagnosis. But, more, really, a problem with accepting the perceived "reality". That said, I do not believe that I am "schizophrenic". I do not identify with the label of "schizophrenia". However, as is obvious in this blog, I will use the term, "schizophrenia".

And, further, I have questions as to whether "schizophrenia" actually exists or is the result of abuse previously directed at an individual which reveals itself in what are seen as "symptoms". Does trauma always cause these symptoms? It remains unknown at this point.

I do identify with what Gianna Kali says about not accepting the label, the diagnosis. Not accepting can be empowering, as one faces oneself not as the label.

nutrition and life advice

2010-07-22T15:58:00.000+10:00

Dr. Susan Lord gives nutrition advice and life advice in this podcast from Kripalu:

Kripalu podcasts -- see Dr. Susan Lord

Towards the end of the podcast, Lord recommends each day to do something nice for yourself, however small; something nice for someone else; and, to be grateful.

what is thought to cause hallucinations

2010-07-21T14:51:00.002+10:00

from The Brain Series by Charlie Rose, Episode 5, The Developing Brain:

Stephen Warren of Emory University says at the end of the program: "I think that if we could figure out how genes influence, say, schizophrenia... How do you generate a hallucination because you have a mutation in some genes? I mean, that's a profound progress from a simple gene and a protein and a synapse to a circuit that's somehow recreating experience that occurred earlier."

This quote reveals that there is currently no awareness as to how a gene can influence schizophrenia. It also reveals that the current idea is that a "mutation in some genes" causes hallucinations, which are considered the recreation of previous experience.

depression linked to dementia, Brain Video 4

2010-07-17T15:12:00.001+10:00

In Beyond Meds, by Gianna Kali, Gianna suggests that this study could be flawed due to the research subjects having been medicated. Though there is no indication in the article whether they were medicated or not, I think she raises a valid point. Most probably, they were medicated, as most deemed "depressed" today, and for the past twenty to twenty-five years have been.

The article:

depression may double dementia risk

Gianna says that there is a possibility that the medications are causing dementia.

An interesting topic to research, the conclusions of this research could lead one, perhaps, to become medicated young for depression. This is a reason to recognise that medications, not just depression, could be contributing to dementia.

_________________________________________________

Brain Video -- Mental Illness:

"Society has stigmatised mental illness for thousands of years," says Charlie Rose at the beginning of this video.

Depression, Manic-Depression, and Schizophrenia affect the way people think, feel, and their motivation.

"Schizophrenia typically begins in college or the early twenties," Eric Kandel states.

Though Hippocrates suggested that mind disorders were medical in nature, it was not until the early 1800's at the Paris School of Medicine that Philippe Pinel called the disorders medical disorders. During the Middle Ages and the Renaissance the disorders were considered demons.

In 1902, Emil Kraeplin's textbooks begin to appear. He defines mental illnesses as those affecting mood and thinking. "...Dementia praecox [Kraeplin defines as a] deterioration of cognitive processes in the brain," says Eric Kandel. Dementia praecox, as stated earlier in this blog, is a precursor of what is later called schizophrenia.

In schizophrenia, there are positive symptoms (hallucinations, delusions), negative symptoms (social withdrawal, lack of motivation), and cognitive symptoms (difficulty organising one's life, short term memory loss).

Speaking of a biological basis for the disorders: "The approach to biology came from chemistry," admits Helen Mayberg. She further says, of the medicines' effect, "That really created the foundation for the hypothesis that these were deficits in neurotransmitters." (She refers to depression.) Hypothesis. A hypothesis.

Mayberg did find "a biological marker, an area in the brain that was abnormally active in depressed patients," reports Kandel.

See Brain Video 4:

brain series, charlie rose, episode 9

In Brain Video 4, a psychotic episode is described as "horrible pain, a waking nightmare", by Ellyn Saks, who is diagnosed with schizophrenia and wrote The Center Cannot Hold, a memoir of schizophrenia.

"We know genetics plays a role by looking at family histories," Stephen Warren shows in a graph. In analysing the graph, "...there's other factors playing a role like environmental factors," Warren says.

Speaking of schizophrenia, "...the seeds for the illness are really sown in early development...,"
says Jeffrey Lieberman. In schizophrenia, "stresses cause a dysfunction of the normal circuits," Lieberman states.

In schizophrenia, the hippocampus, prefrontal cortex, and striatum are said to be affected.

Speaking of therapy for these three disorders, Kandel says, "Psychotherapy works on the brain...It's like a biological treatment."

Ellyn Saks reveals that, for her, psychodynamic thereapy (psychoanalysis) helps. It helps you to identify and cope with stressors, develop an observing ego, and deal with the blow of having a mental illness, Saks suggests.

Unfortunately, Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) is suggested here as the best therapy for depression by Helen Mayberg. She also discusses Deep Brain (electrical) Stimulation for depression. Deep Brain Stimulation is said here to have possibilities for schizophrenia, as well.

These brain diseases are called "the most complicated in medicine" by Eric Kandel.

This past week:

medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
sleep: average 9 hrs
exercise: walking, bicycling
diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day, ate four meals a day
weight: 156 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

Daniel J Carlat

2010-07-15T03:04:00.004+10:00

Daniel J Carlat, a psychiatrist, speaks of the lack of psychotherapy in his profession.

"Medications don't do a good job of solving basic life problems," Carlat states.

Carlat also speaks of payoffs for psychiatrists for pushing certain medications on patients. He speaks, specifically, of Effexor and Neurontin.

Carlat further tells of "The reality that...since we don't have objective criteria, we don't have a blood test, we don't have x-rays to make a diagnosis, we use these symptoms..."

See video speech and questions:

daniel j carlat, "The Trouble With Psychiatry"

Towards the end of his speech, he says that, regardless of country,"...there's an often cited 1% prevalence of schizophrenia...implying that maybe it's a biological disorder." Implying. Maybe.

Schizophrenia has not been proven to be a biological disorder.

Carlat concludes saying, "We do overmedicate...We haven't tried a different strategy, which is to wean people off the medications, because we haven't been trained to do that."

More, from NPR, an interview with Daniel J. Carlat and excerpts from his book:

daniel j carlat and excerpts from his Unhinged

Carlat discusses the fact that theories of the neurobiology of mental illness are just that, theories. Nothing has been proven regarding a relation to mental illnesses. Though Carlat reveals his feeling that there is a relation to neurotransmitters, he admits that even "the APA textbook authors, utterly unable to tie together these disparate findings, concluded that the 'central question of what variables drive the pathophysiology of mood disorders remains unanswered.' "

Brain Video 3

2010-07-12T23:04:00.005+10:00

The Emotional Brain is discussed in this video.

"...emotions are a family of subjective experiences, states of readiness, that we all experience...," says Eric Kandel.

"...[Positive emotion is] disturbed in schizophrenia, Parkinson's disease...," he says further. Here Kandel does call schizophrenia a disease. He then discusses addiction and addictive drugs.

brain series, charlie rose, episode 7

"Now, emotion, of course, needs to be regulated...," says Daniel Salzman. That is done in the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain said to be affected by schizophrenia).

"Cognition has been traditionally located in the prefrontal cortex," Nora Volkow states.

Dopamine is said to be too present in schizophrenia, though this has not been proven. Wolfram Schultz defines dopamine as "...a chemical that serves as a neurotransmitter..."

Nicotine replacement is also slightly discussed in the discussion of addiction, as well as the effect of nicotine on the brain.

Brain Video 2

2010-07-12T19:20:00.004+10:00

The Social Brain: the social skills that separate humans from other species.

Darwin, autism, and the social brain are covered in this video.

"...emotion is an important feature of behaviour," says Eric Kandel.

brain series, charlie rose, episode 4

"...the inward nature of some people with schizophrenia" is mentioned by Gerald Fischbach, and compared by him to autism.

Schizophrenia here is also called a "disorder" rather than a disease by Eric Kandel.

labelling

2010-07-10T23:20:00.000+10:00

This describes what the labels cause one to feel:

From Beyond Meds by Gianna Kali:

labelling

This past week:

medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
sleep: average 9 hrs
exercise: some walking, bicycling
diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day, four meals a day
weight: 159 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

titrating down slowly, "morbidity" words

2010-07-04T12:52:00.018+10:00

Here is what is coming (is here):

computer programs to detect depression in blogs (writing)

Watch out for "morbidity" words!

from above article:

"Words like "black" combined with other terms that describe symptoms of depression, such as sleep deprivation or loneliness, will be recognized by the software as "depressive" texts."

Are there such things as "morbidity" words indicating someone wants to die? I do not believe that words will tell.

______________________________________________

I am smoking cigarettes. On medicine, I have to titrate down more slowly. I tried decreasing by 5 mg. I will have to decrease by 2.5 mg or less. I plan to decrease by 2.5 mg at this point. I will wait.

Last week I received in an email from a friend with an attachment, dopamine in sound. I tried dopamine in sound. It worked. I tried it all days but one. Dopamine in sound caused me to be more calm, less sad, and the same or more happy. I listened to dopamine in sound in the morning. I listened to dopamine in sound in the evening. I plan to listen to dopamine in sound before bed every day. Would this only be the future! No side effects: dopamine in sound. No early mortality: dopamine in sound. Dopamine in sound is copyrighted, so I am not allowed to share it with you. I will recommend when dopamine in sound is available.

This past week:

medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
sleep: average 9 hrs
exercise: some walking, bicycling
diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day, four meals a day
weight: 158 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

love

2010-06-29T04:01:00.003+10:00

love hurts

Brain Video

2010-05-22T16:59:00.000+10:00

Started smoking again last Sunday. Am attempting to stop again today.

brain series, charlie rose, episode 1

Schizophrenia is mentioned a few times in this episode of The Brain Series with Charlie Rose. At one point, Eric Kandel says, "Schizophrenics don't organise their lives." He states that there is a problem in the frontal cortex.

Previous to this, in the video, another researcher suggests that in the future, schizophrenia will be stopped in the brain.

This past week:

medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
sleep: average 10 hrs
exercise: none
diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day, attempting to reach 35% fat, 15% protein, 50% carbs, counting calories at www.caloriecount.com
weight: 160 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

smokers with schizophrenia

2010-05-15T00:28:00.006+10:00

I have started using earplugs before I go to sleep to block out the voices when I awaken in the morning. It is working!

I stopped smoking on Thursday, May 13, 2010 at 1 p.m.

disabled smokers

In the blog post above, it is stated that 90% of those with schizophrenia smoke cigarettes. There are many potential reasons for this.

I even read one study (since lost) and heard of another that suggest that smoking cigarettes could be a cause of schizophrenia.

causes of schizophrenia

I believe that there are "societal pressures" on those who smoke cigarettes in ussa, not on those who do not smoke cigarettes, at this point. Those "societal pressures" can lead to shunning people which can lead to problems.

Here is another blog post that suggests reasons why those with schizophrenia have such a high rate of smoking cigarettes:

schizophrenia and smoking

I have read Stop Smoking Naturally by Martha Work Adelman. I also read Positively Quit Manual by Cassius Cheong.

I was tired of looking at smoke. I did not really like to hold a cigarette. I mostly liked the taste of smoking. I also used smoking to deal with difficult (for me) emotions or situations. I stopped smoking without stop smoking aids or medications.

This past week:

medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
sleep: average 10 hrs
exercise: walked three days, situps and pushups, stair running, bicycling
diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day, attempting to reach 35% fat, 15% protein, 50% carbs, counting calories at www.caloriecount.com,
weight: 156 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

Blog Against Disablism

2010-05-02T18:01:00.005+10:00

I really screwed up on Blog Against Disablism Day (BADD).

Scope defines disablism as "discriminatory, oppressive or abusive behaviour arising from the belief that disabled people are inferior to others".

I believe that my original post on BADD could be considered an example of disablism. I am concerned about that, but originally misread the Day and thought it to be Blog About Disabilities.

So, I apologise if it indicates disablism. Part of what I wrote is indicative of my experience of disablism. Being on disability, in my family of origin, was insisted upon, then angered them.

This past week:

medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
sleep: average 10 hrs
exercise: walked four days, situps and pushups, stair running, days bicycling
diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day, attempting to reach 35% fat, 15% protein, 50% carbs, counting calories at www.caloriecount.com,
weight: 160 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

Disablity and Schizophrenia

2010-05-01T20:14:00.011+10:00

Today is a day to "Blog Against Disablism" or "Blog About Disabilities." So, I signed up to blog about my disability. I have yet to refer to the diagnosis of schizophrenia as a disability on my blog. But, it is. I am currently on disability, which is my sole income or my "allowance." I did not want to go on disability. My mother forced me to sign the papers she wrote up. I still wanted to work. I continued to work, part time, as many hours as allowed by the disability payments. It is very hard to get off of disability. Your employer must also be informed that you were on disability in order to get off of it. At this point, I do not have plans to go off of the disability payments. I paid in when I worked. Now, I get the insurance payment for what I paid in to Social Security. Still, it is a shame that disability is so scorned and also provides such a small payment. The payment puts one well beneath poverty level, allowing very little room for extra income. I would like eventually to go off of the Social Security, to once again work a full-time job. That takes a lot of time, getting off of Social Security.

I have yet to mention the disability, the diagnosis of schizophrenia that got me to forced disability payments. I was off of work for three and a half months when the diagnosis of schizophrenia was forced on me. I had stopped working at the end of November. I was diagnosed in the middle of March. Whether a person is working or not is one of the considerations in the making of a diagnosis, according to the DSM, quoted below, though a social worker once told me that whether one works or not is not a consideration. Confusing!

The medicines I was put on made me hallucinate, actually gave me the symptoms of schizophrenia which I was diagnosed with having after 1-2 brief interviews with a nurse and a psychiatrist, in a hospital. This is not the first time that that has happened. Widely reported is the cause of symptoms of schizophrenia from the neuroleptics intended to help the supposed problem.

I am officially disabled now. The diagnosis disables a person. However, I believe that when my mother put me on disability payments, she disabled me extremely. They are so difficult to escape once a person is on them.

I got a new bicycle. We began bicycling this week for exercise and pleasure. Bicycling is fun!

This past week:

medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
sleep: average 9 hrs
exercise: walked every day but two, situps and pushups, stair running, 2 days bicycling
diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day, began to count calories at www.caloriecount.com
weight: 161 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

Hearing Voices Interview

2010-04-24T16:55:00.000+10:00

Here is a radio interview on Madness Radio with Jacqui Dillon, who heard voices since childhood after growing up with child sexual abuse:

Madness Radio: Hearing Voices Network, Jacqui Dillon

Jacqui was told by psychiatrists that the child sexual abuse she experienced was a part of her "delusion" in 1993. She later found help from someone who believed what happened to her. She said, also, that some psychiatrists will accept that child sexual abuse has occurred, but say that "that is in your past, now deal with your mental illness."

She later talks about anger. She says that anger is "protective and sets a boundary."

She, along with others, "questions the idea that hearing voices is an illness." She considers medicine to "silence people." She said, "I don't think of voices as symptoms."

Compassion, acceptance, learning to live with the voices, and learning "distraction techniques" can help people who hear voices. She also suggests, later, asking the voices direct questions.

Dillon also mentions that "there are a lot of places in the world where schizophrenia does not exist." She is working to "abolish the schizophrenia label." Academics, clinicians, activists, carers, families, and friends are working to abolish the label because it is not scientific. You can learn more about this at Campaign to Abolish the Schizophrenia Label.

This past week:

medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
sleep: average 12 hrs
exercise: walked every day but two, situps and pushups
diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day, began to count calories
weight: 158 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

happiness

2010-04-17T21:55:00.000+10:00

"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier

I found this quote in Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I am trying to live it. I believe it true that happiness can only be found within each of us. While it is not easy to live finding happiness only in ourselves, it is possible, with time and practice. As I deal with what happened to me as a result of psychiatric hospitalisations, I find that I am more able to find happiness within myself, releasing the memories of what was done to me. I am a happy person, generally, but the hospitalisations and the voices (the result of years of neuroleptics) really got to me. I am still dealing with the memory of those things. I will continue to tell of those experiences in future posts. I remain attempting to find happiness within. I plan to pursue this further with a return to meditating in June. I am currently collecting info on meditation. I will begin with 5 minutes of meditation a day.

This past week:

medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
sleep: average 11 hrs
exercise: walked every day but one
diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day
weight: 154 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

Aripiprazole Side Effects

2010-04-07T20:28:00.007+10:00

Side effects of Aripiprazole include dizziness, headaches, nausea, diabetes, tardive dyskenesia, akathisia, heart disease, cardiac arrest, vomiting, etcetera. I have had dizziness, headaches, nausea, and tardive diskenesia. As a result of these side effects, I have decided to decrease Aripiprazole by 5 mg. every two months or so, depending on how I am feeling/doing. I will review how I am doing to decrease to 10 mg. a day (5 mg. a.m., 5 mg. p.m.) on June 1.

medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
sleep: average 12 hrs
exercise: walked (farther than last week) every day but two, 20 situps, 10 pushups
diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day
weight: 154 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

Diagnosis Flawed

2010-03-30T19:28:00.013+10:00

This week I stopped smoking cigarettes while drinking coffee. I finished reading Codependent No More (after doing the work in the back of the chapters). I started reading Adult Children of Alcoholics.

Here is the definition of schizophrenia:

"According to the revised fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR), to be diagnosed with schizophrenia, three diagnostic criteria must be met:^[4]

Characteristic symptoms: Two or more of the following, each present for much of the time during a one-month period (or less, if symptoms remitted with treatment).
- Delusions
- Hallucinations
- Disorganized speech, which is a manifestation of formal thought disorder
- Grossly disorganized behavior (e.g. dressing inappropriately, crying frequently) or catatonic behavior
- Negative symptoms: Blunted affect (lack or decline in emotional response), alogia (lack or decline in speech), or avolition (lack or decline in motivation)
If the delusions are judged to be bizarre, or hallucinations consist of hearing one voice participating in a running commentary of the patient's actions or of hearing two or more voices conversing with each other, only that symptom is required above. The speech disorganization criterion is only met if it is severe enough to substantially impair communication.
Social/occupational dysfunction: For a significant portion of the time since the onset of the disturbance, one or more major areas of functioning such as work, interpersonal relations, or self-care, are markedly below the level achieved prior to the onset.
Duration: Continuous signs of the disturbance persist for at least six months. This six-month period must include at least one month of symptoms (or less, if symptoms remitted with treatment).

If signs of disturbance are present for more than a month but less than six months, the diagnosis of schizophreniform disorder is applied.^[4] Psychotic symptoms lasting less than a month may be diagnosed as brief psychotic disorder, and various conditions may be classed as psychotic disorder not otherwise specified." --Wikipedia, March, 2010

At least one of the threee criteria for diagnosing schizophrenia was not met when I was diagnosed in March, 1996. Thus, the diagnosis itself is flawed.

I did not show "continuous signs of the disturbance [persisting] for at least six months." I remember being fine on New Year's Eve, when we celebrated with friends. I went home early in the morning to sleep rather than continuing to celebrate with the friends at the casino. So, there could not have been "continuous signs" for as long as required (six months). I was fine on January 1, 1996. I showed no symptoms whatsoever.

My situation was not taken into account. When I arrived at the hospital I told the admitting nurse that I was suffering from PTSD. This was not taken into account at all. Perhaps me saying that was misread as a "delusion". Perhaps the admitting nurse had never heard of PTSD and I had to say Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, as I later thought. That was not considered whatsoever, as she forced me into a hospital gown and onto a metal bed under straps for what must have been over twelve to fourteen hours (the entirety of the night). The pain I experienced on that metal bed under straps is difficult to describe.

There was a camera on the ceiling, filming, I suppose, me on the metal bed under straps at my wrists and ankles. I had nothing on under a hospital gown. I could barely move at all for all of those hours. The pain I felt was huge during those hours, fourteen hours or so, I estimate.

I felt as if there were a noose around my neck. I felt as if I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move or escape. It was torture, pure torture, with no reason to it. I did nothing that warranted that torture.

I was later told that one has to be "a danger to her/himself or others" to be forced into a psychiatric hospital. I was neither when I was forced into one. I was not suicidal nor a threat to anyone.

medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
sleep: average 10.6 hrs
exercise: walked (farther than last week) every day but one
diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day
weight: 153 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

Voices

2010-03-25T21:39:00.009+09:00

I have begun to smoke cigarettes using my other hand, to prepare to stop smoking this summer or autumn. This week, I will not smoke while drinking coffee.

I was hearing voices since March, 2009. Mostly family. It made my head and face twitch.

My husband said this is a glitch in my brain.

"Whatever else you do, keep telling yourself that the voice comes from a malfunction in your brain and under no circumstances pay any heed to what the voice says." --International Hearing Voices Movement

Here is info regarding The Hearing Voices Movement. Quoted from the Wikipedia page:

"INTERVOICE is critical of psychiatry in relation to the way the profession generally understands and treats people who hear voices and holds that their research has led them to the position that schizophrenia is an unscientific and unhelpful hypothesis which should be abandoned."

INTERVOICE is the new organisation that was created from The Hearing Voices Movement.

I tried talking with the voices, which is said to work for some. This did not work for me.

Then, I tried ignoring them, which works better for me.

I never heard voices before I was put on neuroleptics. In fact, I did not hear voices until years after I was put on neuroleptics (5 years).

medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
sleep: average 11.6 hrs
exercise: walked every day but one
diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day
weight: 159 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

Alcoholic or Not?

2010-03-20T17:29:00.005+09:00

I decreased the dose of Aripiprazole by 25 % Saturday. I take 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m. instead of 10 mg Aripiprazole. I joined Survivors of Incest Anonymous a few weeks ago (SIA). I am learning so much from the stories told. One thing I have reassessed is whether I will join AA or not. There is someone in SIA who joined despite the quiz questions not defining her as an Alcoholic. She thinks it could be trouble for her due to her past. I felt that way. I decided to join AA upon returning to the U.S. or to join online.

medication: 10 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep,to 5 mg. Aripiprazole a.m. Saturday (decreased Saturday 25%)
sleep: average 11.2 hrs
exercise: walked one day
diet: made certain to eat breakfast, ate more fruit
weight: 154 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

stopping smoking

2010-03-14T13:37:00.004+09:00

My husband and I are considering stopping smoking. We have plans to stop smoking either this summer or this autumn.

I have been reading about how to stop smoking. He has been preparing us by switching us to lighter, "slim" cigarettes. I no longer want to smoke the "fatter" regular cigarettes. I tried them again and did not like them.

I thought that I would have to wait two years to stop smoking, but my husband is very eager for me to stop. So, I am considering. We will be bicycling this Spring for exercise and pleasure. Bicycling will help us to prepare.

I read that dressing in the morning before smoking is a step to stopping. I will attempt that next.

I know that when someone stops smoking one can still be attracted to smoking, as an action of the hands or mouth, as a taste or flavor, as a distraction from thought. Important to be aware of these other attractions, which make those who stop cold turkey unable to be completely free of cigarettes and smoking. We will attempt to be conscious of these desires for smoking while we stop and after we stop.

medication: 10 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
sleep: average 10.6 hrs
exercise: walked two days, with situps, pushups, stair running
diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day
weight: 154 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

bad memory

2010-03-07T15:19:00.004+09:00

I had a bad memory two weeks ago. A sister phoned right after I had the bad memory. A big coincidence. As if she were "there" for me when she did not know it. Mom asked to talk with me. I told her I had a bad memory from when I was a little girl. She asked me what it was. I was not ready to tell her. Later, I realised that though I told her enough before that she could have asked what happened, she never had asked me what happened. I felt unnecessarily grateful for her merely, finally, asking me what happened. So, after that phone call with her, I wrote her an email, offering to tell her what happened. She declined, suggesting a therapist. Too much pain for her, she said. I told her I already have a therapist in the United States for when we return.

I joined SIA (Survivors of Incest Anonymous) following this.

medication: 10 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
sleep: average 11.2 hrs
exercise: walked all days but two, situps, pushups, stair running
diet: made certain to eat breakfast, ate more fruit and nuts
weight: 154 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

still away

2010-01-30T16:57:00.001+09:00

I have been away from the blog for awhile, not writing as said in a previous post. I am sorry for that. I will attempt to return as soon as possible. I am dealing with "family" problems.

Head (Brain) Trauma

2009-12-23T16:21:00.008+09:00

My psychologist in Eastern Europe believes that I am currently called (labelled) "schizophrenic" due to a traumatic head injury.

The injury certainly caused me to be vulnerable in so many ways...I suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I have done some work regarding the PTSD.

My head was banged on the sidewalk over and over again in an assault (attempted murder...).

No matter how often I mentioned the traumatic head injury, psychiatrists ignored it.

Two doctors have admitted that the traumatic head injury is probably the cause of me being labelled "schizophrenic."

"Family" prefer the label. Former "family."

With Amino Acid Diet, Mice Improve After Brain Injury

"[Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) is] the primary cause of death and disability in children and young adults...TBI also accounts for permanent diabilities in more than 5 million Americans."
--from preceding article

I am happy that I am alive--

For the past week:

medicine: 10 milligrams Aripiprazole a.m.; 10 milligrams Aripiprazole, 5 milligrams Fleuphenazine, 2 milligrams "Cogentin" p.m. (decreased Fleuphenazine)
diet: attempting to eat protein with every meal, fruit, about 3-4 meals/day
exercise: situps and pushups
mood: o.k. each morning upon rising
weight: decided not to weigh my body
sleep: did not record (11 hrs. one night)

Alcoholic family

2009-12-17T16:27:00.024+09:00

"This is no war that will be won in my lifetime, but it is a winnable war. When people make a connection that there is no biogenetic code for serial killer or arsonist, that we make our own monsters – when people actually get that, it will be obvious to them that early intervention, early protection will pay enormous dividends. The kids that we miss don’t disappear; they end up in our criminal justice system or our mental health system.” --Andrew Vachss
(10-2009, an interview)

The above will be noticed more often in the future... Already people are noticing. The man quoted above notices, people who have seen that trauma(s) can lead a person into the "mental health system" have noticed...
____________________________________________________

I attempted to run away from the house I came from at thirteen...someone ran after me, convincing me to return, not (as I'd planned) for my babysitting money and to leave forever, but to stay. Then, again, I attempted to stay away when I left formally at seventeen. Someone convinced me to return at the first "Holiday"...

After, I was unable to escape the Alcoholic "home" of my Father...

I had chances to leave forever, to "disappear" (while being searched for, of course)...I did not see the chance to leave forever as what I required, to live...

____________________________________________________

I considered in the past week whether the word "Alcoholic" applies to me...I took a test at the "Alcoholics Anonymous" website:

Test to See if You are an Alcoholic

I did not answer "Yes" enough to be considered an Alcoholic.

I am currently reading the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.

I read this book in the late eighties, early nineties. So, within this book is a list of traits I had then that made me a Codependent. Those same traits were described as "schizophrenia" or "schizoaffective." Those are the labels in my records.

Now, rereading the book, I can see how the traits changed over the past twenty years, some diminishing, some growing...The most difficult part of reading the book is deciding which traits I have today...(There are also exercises at the end of each chapter.)

I will discuss some realisations from re-reading the above book in a future post...

___________________________________________________

I am returning to the format established in my first posts. I will keep records each week. For the past week:

medicine: 10 milligrams Aripiprazole a.m.; 10 milligrams Aripiprazole, 5 milligrams Fleuphenazine, 2 milligrams "Cogentin" p.m. (decreased Fleuphenazine)
diet: attempting to eat protein with every meal, fruit, about 3-4 meals/day
exercise: situps and pushups
mood: o.k. each morning upon rising
weight: decided not to weigh my body
sleep: 12 hrs. a night, average

until December...

2009-10-29T03:08:00.002+09:00

I decided not to return to this blog until December. I am transitioning right now. I am writing each day, studying a new language, and have other aspects of my life to focus upon...I also want to reflect on my previous writings...Thank you for paying attention.

transitioning

2009-10-19T03:31:00.007+10:00

Last week one night my husband woke me up again, tho I was asleep, then I took pills. I stayed awake after taking 20 milligrams Aripiprazole, 10 milligrams Fleuphenazine, 2 milligrams Benztropine Milate. All other nights last week I slept without waking.

My mood upon waking all other days was o.k. or good.

I xercised all days, as decided (by me), but two.

I am transitioning to a new city.

I am eating irregularly because I have been here for only a couple weeks. I will not weigh my body for awhile (7 more months).

"...Haldol, Prolixin [Fleuphenazine], and Risperdal...can cause permanent, severe impairments of brain function." (p. 27)

from Your Drug May Be Your Problem, by Peter R. Breggin, M.D., and David Cohen, Ph.D. (1999)

Cogentin -- Tardive Diskenesia

2009-10-10T15:20:00.003+10:00

coming off Temazapam (a "benzo")...A little hyper: 30 milligrams of Apiprazole in a.m.; 10 milligrams Apiprazole in p.m.; 10 milligrams fluephenazine in p.m.; 2 milligrams Cogentin (benzotropine mesililite --) in p.m.
I fell asleep in early evening -- My busband woke me up to take aforementioned pills -- Now I cannot sleep...
I took the pills; got a little hyper--
Does Cogentin make a person hyper? The Apiprazole makes me hyper and tired, dizzy and faint in at the same time...It also leads to premature death if taken when a person is older (older than me).

I did/do not want to take cogentin at all!
I want Cogentin to be off the list of drugs to take...

I was put on Cogentin due to showing signs of tardive diskenesia

I never wanted to take cogentin

My husband woke me up two times this past week to take pills -- ironic -- they were given to me originally to put me into a sick, dreamless sleep.

raped

2009-04-24T02:57:00.009+10:00

One night i was out with a male i went out with --i went back to his apartment with him -- we were in bed undressed. i thought we were going to have sex.--.

we were not...

he turned me over on my stomach. he pinned my hands (using wrists) down on his futon ...he somehow shoved my face into his pillow at the same time... ( i could not breathe..)
he then raped me.

GAIN 100 LBS. WITH ZYPREXA!

2009-04-14T13:03:00.003+10:00

In 2000-2001, i was forced to go on ZYPREXA, in USSA. It was completely forced upon me by a doctor from another country. I did not want to take it. doctor had big drooling dog under desk, when she lied to me that it was only that i was eating too much food, not ZYPREXA. ZYPREXA, changed my metabolism, sent me from 105 lbs. - 208 lbs.

ZYPREXA : it is a known fact that ZYPREXA has side effects. My personal experience is that it caused me to go from a size 4 (USSA) to a size 16 (USSA). It is very expensive to change clothes sizes to such a big size, physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, and in other ways, as well.

There are size 0 women in USSA who don't have to take ZYPREXA.....I was told by someone who DECIDED the diagnosis given to me, "Your problem is that you were too skinny."

walk to little store

2009-04-14T12:45:00.004+10:00

Today i go out to the little store to buy two cigarette boxes. Intended to stop smoking cigarettes in Mar, but(t) was not able. Will not attempt again anytime in near future. Still, that is ok. Three quarters thru Mar 2009, I had decided: meditate 5 min., 10 pushups, 20 situps, walk 20 minutes to start....my exercise and meditation idea was interrupted....

At end of Mar 2009, intended to stop smoking naturally...

Meant to begin bicycling end of Apr 2009....

doing okay

2009-03-15T17:01:00.001+09:00

It's Sunday again. I'm doing okay. I started to "freewrite" for 5 minutes a day last Monday. I wound up writing something else a result, about the term "battered woman". I weigh 162 lbs. I didn't begin to walk, etc. last week. I am still taking 5 mg. Abilify in the morning.

Mar 2009

back in europe

2009-03-07T16:08:00.002+09:00

I returned to Europe on February 6, 2009. I was somewhat more overweight. I have since lost that weight and am now back down to 158 lbs. I have had a harder time adjusting to being back. I feel like I would like to be doing something more and have been researching what that may be. I have yet to begin walking, meditating and saying affirmations again. I plan to begin again on Monday. Most of the winter I had a bad cough which prevented the walking. I plan to walk 20 minutes, do situps and pushups and meditate beginning with 5 minutes a day. I am still on 5 mg. Abilify, taken in the mornings.

back in the "USSA"

2008-12-11T10:56:00.000+09:00

It is good to be back in the USSA. I spent last night in O'Hare airport due to a canceled flight (snow). I am currently reading "Mad in America", a book that is shocking and enlightening to me, about which I will write more later. I am also reading "Skinny Bitch" which makes a good case for becoming not just vegetarian, but vegan. I had been considering returning to being a vegetarian when this book was passed on to me, but was ambivalent. Tonight I couldn't eat my meatball due to the impact of this book.

traveling

2008-12-09T17:10:00.002+09:00

I am leaving today to return to the United States for two months. I am currently in Eastern Europe. I am not certain whether I'll be writing in my blog for those two months. Likely not, but possibly. I return on February 5. I plan to walk, meditate, and say affirmations while I am in the United States. I will be taking 5 mg. Abilify in the morning while there. I will be in Florida for the month of January. If my walking has gone well, I plan to run on the beach while in Florida. My sleeping in the last two weeks has decreased to between 8 and 9 hours a night, a big decrease from when I began this blog. My weight has increased to 158 lbs. I will attempt to lose 6 lbs. by January 1 (2 lbs a week). I am also considering giving up sugar and white flour at the New Year. Well, that's all for now.

smoking cigarettes

2008-12-07T02:05:00.003+09:00

I mentioned a couple of posts ago that I'd tried during the month of October to stop smoking. I have smoked almost continuously since I was 19 years old. That's 24 years of smoking. I want badly to stop, but apparently I'm more accustomed to my addiction.

I thought about what the causes of my smoking are during and after trying to stop and came up with some strange ideas as to why. I thought, perhaps, every time I breathe in the smoke, I'm breathing in my own anger. [I know today this is not true.] I did realise that I had been very angry since beginning to smoke more than 1/2 pack a day.

I saw the smoking as an expression of that anger directed at myself (also at those who love and care about me and would prefer that I not contract a life-threatening illness from the smoking). I realise that this is a bit of an odd conjecture, but it made some sense to me, so I attempted to reassess my smoking habit with this in mind.

In order to deal with this possible realisation, I looked up some info on anger and came up with two good sites. If you deal with anger as an issue perhaps they will be of use to you.

A Guide to Psychology and Its Practice: Anger

Overcome Anger and Aggression

This is merely a theory regarding my smoking cigarettes. I have another theory, as well, gleaned from the "How to Love Yourself" CD by Louise Hay which I recently acquired. (I do plan to discuss this CD further in a later post.) In it, at one point, Louise Hay says, "You don't have to earn love. You don't have to earn the right to breathe."

***********************************************

I thought upon hearing this, how I am almost eagerly proving otherwise in my life by smoking cigarettes habitually. I am not allowing myself the right to breathe. I am making myself earn that right by the difficult act of stopping smoking.

Anger can come into play here, as there is the anger at feeling that one does have to "earn love" or "earn the right to breathe".

I want to attempt to overcome these issues and stop smoking. I think that understanding cause and effect can only be of assistance here.

Would anyone like to share their story of stopping smoking? Or of why they think they continue to smoke?
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Romantic Cigarettes

Cigarettes are o.k. Cigarettes are even beautiful. Cigarettes are. Cigarettes are romantic. Take one out and read a book, take one out and type, take one out and write!

Cigarettes can protect a female or a male from unwanted advances and/or incidents. My cigarette, my friend...

Smoke a romantic cigarette!

bad news for 'schizophrenics' and women smokers

2008-12-07T01:22:00.000+09:00

There is bad news about the increased mortality rate for 'schizophrenics'. Who knows how much of this could be caused by the drugs administered...See Mortality Gap Seen In Schizophrenia

There is, also, possibly related (because many 'schizophrenics' smoke), bad news for women smokers. Lifespan decreases by over 14 years for women who smoke. See Women Smokers Lose 14.5 Years Off Lifespan

Sorry I don't have stats for male smokers.

I will be writing more about smoking soon, as someone who recently spent an entire month trying to stop smoking. I think that I learned some things about myself and smoking in the process.

you can heal your life by louise hay

2008-12-06T19:15:00.005+09:00

Here are some videos of a presentation by Louise Hay called You Can Heal Your Life. The presentation, in twelve parts, is quite illuminating. I encourage you to do the exercises she suggests, which amount to writing things down on paper and using mirror work, as they can provide valuable insights into the way one thinks and behaves based on those thoughts and beliefs.

You Can Heal Your Life, Part I

From this video, you can find Part II - Part XII.

I went through these videos some months ago, before starting this blog. Now I am doing so again and finding that my issues and answers to questions have changed! A whole new set of information to work through. It is very interesting what one will come up with when answering the questions posed by Louise Hay. It may seem like a lot of work, but well worth it, I think.

a new genetic theory of schizophrenia

2008-11-22T20:37:00.001+09:00

Here is an article discussing a new genetic theory regarding schizophrenia, bipolar, depression and autism. I think it is a good idea to keep abreast of the latest developments.

In a Novel Theory of Mental Disorders, Parent's Genes are in Competition

At the same time, you may wish to refer to a previous post of mine which questions genetic theory of schizophrenia. Objections to Genetic Theory of Schizophrenia

There are, of course, widely divergent ideas concerning genes and schizophrenia. In the absence of biological proof of what exactly 'schizophrenia' is, I tend to favor the "Objections", but still consider it wise to follow what those who believe in a clear genetic link are pursuing as 'proof'.

away from my blog

2008-11-14T16:38:00.001+09:00

Hello. I've been away from my blog for over a month now, so wanted to check in and let you know what's been going on. I haven't been meditating or saying affirmations or exercising during this time. I have been keeping track of the hours I sleep and my weight. I am still on 5 mg. Abilify, taken in the mornings. My mood has been mostly okay. My sleep has ranged from an average of 10 hours a week to 11.7 hours a week. My weight has ranged from 146.7 lbs. to 154.7 lbs. I reached my goal weight for October 1 of 150 lbs. My weight last weekend was 150.2 lbs. My sleep average last week was 10 hours. I plan to start blogging again soon. I have some articles to share with you. During the month of October I was mostly trying to stop smoking. I tried to stop nearly every day and was unable, so this month I am just accepting that, for now, I am a smoker. October 1 was my goal for stopping smoking. Looking forward to sharing more with you in the coming months.

a week's progress

2008-10-06T19:57:00.000+10:00

This past week I meditated and said affirmations three times.

medication: continued taking 5 mg. Abilify
sleep: average 11.7 hrs.
exercise: walked two times
diet: ate when hungry
weight: 150.7 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

a week's progress

2008-09-28T18:59:00.001+10:00

This past week I meditated and said affirmations once. I slept more. I didn't exercise. I was depressed a couple of days.

medication: continued taking 5 mg Abilify in the morning
sleep: slept an average of 11.4 hrs. a night
exercise: no exercise
diet: ate when hungry
weight: 147.6 lbs.
mood: anxious one morning, ok all other mornings

a week's progress

2008-09-21T20:51:00.001+10:00

I meditated and said affirmations one day this past week. I didn't exercise at all. I quit drinking coffee, which made me more sleepy. I slept more. I was also depressed and unmotivated. I wondered if this was due to decreasing the drugs. I really think that I'm just getting more aware off of the drugs, and this awareness is bringing with it a depression. Today I feel better. I'm hopeful that I can change some of these patterns around next week.

medication: continued 5 mg. Abilify in the mornings
sleep: average 11.1 hrs. sleep per night
exercise: no exercise
diet: ate when hungry
weight: 150 lbs.
mood: ok all mornings upon rising

a week's progress

2008-09-14T14:59:00.002+10:00

I didn't meditate or say affirmations this past week. My lymph nodes went down in size, though. They are almost gone. I didn't exercise very much, either.

last week --

medication: 5 mg. Abilify in the morning
sleep: 9.4 hrs. sleep a night on average
exercise: lifted weights one day
diet: ate when hungry
weight: 147.8 lbs.
mood: anxious 2 days, ok all other days

a week's progress

2008-09-07T15:01:00.001+10:00

This past week, I continued meditation, 1 time a day, for 20 minutes, affirmations, 1-2 times a day, gratitude lists, before bed, and my dream journal. I didn't exercise at all, which is rare, but plan to continue next week with exercise. My lymph node swelling decreased yesterday and today, with lots of good sleep. My sleep became less restless as the week progressed.

last week's progress --

medication: decreased to 5 mg. Abilify in the morning
sleep: 10.1 hrs. per night average
exercise: no exercise
diet: ate when hungry
weight: 152.7 lbs.
mood: ok each day upon waking

Here is a good site to check out for info on schizophrenia or other psychotic disorders:
The International Society for the Psychological Treatments of the Schizophrenias and Other Psychoses