a lifelong vigilance

from PSYCHOLOGY AND ANTHROPOLOGY
(Narrated by David Carradine)

-----------------the Spirit-------------------------

spirit possessed

"What is real to the Aimara is often invisible."

"Malignant forces - can cause crop failure" to the Aimara.

"...and spirit possessions [are] accepted among the Aimara."

Of one Aimara man, 'twas said, "...but he became possessed when he couldn't prevent
weariness. Weariness overcame his lifelong vigilance."



I had a lifelong vigilance which was interrupted in 1996, March, on a friday.
I was not suicidal. I had never attempted suicide. I was not a "danger to myself or others."
I was not weary.



One Aimara man had "...repeated threats of suicide..." He couldn't sleep.

He later said, "This business of going 'crazy' is a bad thing."




I had slept. I was not tired. I was not a "danger to myself and others."

I was told by six representatives of an organisation and two former employers that I was "a danger to myself or others."

from (a blog) from the New Yorker:

from (a blog) "Words That Drive Me Crazy" from the New Yorker:

"Words that make me 'scream in pain' are:
monetise
prioritise
incentivise
contextualise
utilise
prioritise
juniorise"


((I do not have time to find again (a blog) to credit writer.))

________________________________________________

A word and a phrase that make me 'scream in pain' and 'drive me crazy' include:
crazy
'scream in pain'

from wildflowers movement: "...gifted children or adults..."

I started with what was termed a "depression" by a (phobia) psychologist. I wondered later if untreated "depression" could result in schizophrenia. Having read, I realise that this is not so. I am explaining this elsewhere.

I am posting this, partly, for a friend with a child diagnosed "Bi-Polar" when he was younger than ten. The child is considered 'gifted and talented' in school and at home. Though I offered, rather recently, this blog to her family, I did not know how to discuss anything related to her child's diagnosis with her. Here is a mild attempt to do that, now that I decided, as a blogger to address the growing diagnoses of children.

The blog beneath states: "...existential depression or learning disability, when present in gifted children or adults, requires a different approach because new dimensions are added by the giftedness component."



I am currently discovering that what was considered a "depression" by a psychologist (treatable without medications) could have been existential sorrow or melancholia over the loss of love and the loss of the love of my best friend. (at the same time)

My family of origin's responses are usually to "barge in" when there was a request to not "barge in" or to "pull back" when there was an attempt at communication. This is extreme, this is rude.

I was older than ten (a 'tenner') when this happened to me. This was the beginning of my recorded conversation with psychologists (which was, back then, quite distinct from psychiatry). Unfortunately, I have noticed, no more.

Gifted and talented children... the mis-diagnoses

Please look into this entire blog, the posts beneath this one are beautifully written and insightful..

important news: Joaquin Phoenix does not have schizophrenia!

This is a great story about how badly someone who has schizophrenia is treated.

Joaquin Phoenix decided to act. He acted. He played guitar until he could play in film. He acted, acted, acted. He played guitar in film. He dressed up in film.

Then, for some reason, he decided to act while singing 'rap music'. (I am not certain if the 'rap music' is/was called 'rap music' by Joaquin Phoenix, but it's good.) He wore a beard and a moustache. He was angry at fans and photographers (perhaps).

writer says Letterman knew Phoenix was faking

He went on the David Letterman show, as an actor, acting (he acted as an actor, as a guest, as a guest actor, as a very beautiful "ruse".)

Joaquin Phoenix does not have schizophrenia!!

--katiaea

testify, please

testify (by rage against the machine)

a cold

I have a cold. I will post next week. Too busy with a cold.
No this past week this week.

neuroleptics and antidepressants: abnormal dreams

"The medicine (drugs) can even [cause] abnormal dreams."
--Robert Whitaker

I have/had since the medicine many abnormal dreams. I do not want or care to discuss them. I can tell my husband, if I want.

autistic children and those with "other developmental disorders"

Autistic children are going to be given "functional connectivity 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI)'s, along with children with "some other developmental disorders." What are the "other developmental disorders"? I am uncertain.

"Certain connections in the brain get stronger over time; "others are pruned away", according to researchers (psychologist researchers).
A "brain age scale" has been created from 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI) brain scans of two hundred "normal people" with "typical" brain connections.
The research is said to show connections in the "brains of children with autism are [a bit] weaker than in typical children", a psychologist researcher said.
These scans will be used to test "brain networks" in infants "to spot signs of trouble".

determining 'brain age' with a simple scan

I think that these will probably be used more in infants. I think that if they are used after medicines, a good idea is to give a 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI) before medicines.

As of now, 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI) has been used after medicines, so there are not comparisons of the brains of one with "schizophrenia" before medicines. The medicines change bodies, blood, brains. How do we know what the brain of one with "schizophrenia" looks like, really, since there are only 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI)'s after the medicines are given. The medicines change brains, blood, and bodies. Can the 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI)'s be given before the medicines are given, to show that one has "autism", "schizophrenia", "manic depression (bipolar)", and "other developmental disorders"?

This makes more sense, I beleive, because after the medicines given to those who are not given 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI)'s there is not any way to tell if there was a person with "autism", "schizophrenia", "manic depression (bipolar)", and "other developmental disorders" (including "depression" (unipolar), "schizoaffective disorder", and, what others?).
Once the medicines are given, the 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI)'s show the damage done by medicine; certainly, there are changes in blood, bodies, and brains.

When a 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI) shows that a person has "autism", "schizophrenia", "manic depression (bipolar)" or "other developmental disorders", is it showing the effect and/or impact of the medicines on the brains, bodies, and blood of those already given medicine? I think so.

Often, certainly sometimes, a person has been said to have "schizophrenia" only after death and a lifetime (usually from the "tens" (10-19)) of medicines. How can we know that the brain studies show "schizophrenia" when the medicines cause so many changes in bodies, brains, and blood.

Remember the identical twin studies. Even understanding that the medicines cause many brain, body, and blood changes: less than 48% of identical twins both have "schizophrenia". I think, genes in identical twins are mainly or mostly identical. How can "schizophrenia" be a genetic disorder if this is true? Less than 48% of identical twins both have "schizophrenia".

Why don't we give 'magnetic resonance imaging' (MRI)'s to children, "tens", and adults before they are put down and "put away"?

[No "this past week" for this past week.]

note: the word "schizophrenia" and the 'disease' "schizophrenia are only one hundred years old. the word "teenager" is less than one hundred years old (i call them "tens".)

Happy Rosh Hashonah!

Part I - Robert Whitaker on Madness Radio

For schizophrenia, Robert Whitaker said, "40% of those off drugs are recovered after five years; 5% of those on drugs are recovered after five years." (on Madness Radio)

I believe this research. What is called "schizophrenia" (for the last hundred years only) is not assisted by medicine (the drugs).

"Once you are on the drugs, there's a pretty high chance you'll relapse. ", said Robert Whitaker on Madness Radio.

"That relapse rate is greatly increased by the fact that the drugs change their brain" -- R.W.

Are the changes in the brain shown in colour photos of those with "schizophrenia" caused by "schizophrenia" or the medicine (the drugs)?

"How is it working for society as a whole?
It's not."
-- Robert Whitaker

Who profits? Not patients. Investors.

"From science's point of view
exposure to drugs [antidepressants]
doubled the risk of chronic illness."
--R.W.

Someone I know also became labelled manic-depressive (bipolar) only after on antidepressants. This is very common, according to Robert Whitaker.

"In psychiatry almost all [are] on advisory boards, consultants to pharma..."
--R.W.

Robert Whitaker said that "...drugs [can be] used as tools in thoughtful ways." There must be "honest research, honest reports," informed decisions, and "weigh[ed] benefits."

Who benefits, really? Who profits.

See:
Madness Radio, Sane Medication Policy, Robert Whitaker

Aripiprazole on vacation

Aripiprazole (Abilify) has very, very bad side effects that make a vacation difficult. Aripiprazole (Abilify) makes summer or spring or "Indian Summer", even, more difficult and painful, as well. If you sweat on Aripiprazole (Abilify) or are out in hot sun, you could die of a heat stroke.

If you want to drink wine, liquor or beer, even sometimes, Aripiprazole (Abilify) is not for you.

(Odd, coming from an alcoholic family, being someone called a "teetotaler" by them, that that family-of-origin decided to put me on many medicines that do not allow alcoholic drinks.)

Aripiprazole (Abilify) can make a person very sedated (or groggy), as well.

Risperdal (Risperedone) causes problems

I was put on Risperdal (Risperedone) without being told that Risperdal (Risperedone) causes, often, a woman's menstrual cycle to disappear.

My husband and I believed that I was pregnant. We wasted a month to a month and a half finding a doctor to tell us otherwise. Only then did my then psychiatrist inform us that he knew all along that Risperdal (Risperedone) causes, often, a woman's menstrual cycle to disappear.

My friend thought for months, even a year, that she was already in menopause, though she was fairly young. Only when we spoke of our desire(s) for children did we find that she, too, was losing her menstrual cycle to Risperdal (Risperedone).

Now, Risperdal (Risperedone) is given to children; Risperdal (Risperedone) causes drooling, sedation, weight gain, and an "altered personality".

See:

Child's Ordeal Shows Risks of Psychosis Drugs for Young



Is Risperdal (Risperedone) a form of sterilisation for women? I believe mental hospitalisations are.



I gained a little weight while on vacation. Still on 15 mg Aripiprazole (Abilify). Aripiprazole made our vacation much, much more difficult. I will explain why in future.

This past week:

• medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
  
• sleep: average (on vacation, unknown)
• exercise: walking, swimming, bicycling
• diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day, ate four meals a day
• weight: 160 lbs.
• mood: ok all mornings upon rising

"i'm love sick"

love sick

electronic records, medicine for adults, tens, and children

pardon, for not writing for a few weeks. I am busy with my husband and work. Now, we are going on a vacation, so I am posting a day early. I was not able to weigh my body today, so I will not post "this past week". I forgot. I always weigh my body early in the morning.

two people told me that I was "schizophrenic" because I was "too skinny".

On to the news:

electronic records exist in the ussa (any record can be found by any doctor, I saw that while there)

medicine for adults is changing (some abilify 5 mg is white and tastes like candy)

medicine for tens is changing (sometimes a play, short story, novel, poem, or song can lead to medicine if it is considered too violent of writing or indicative of something not liked by those who are in power and considered normal)

medicine for children --- there is much, much, much more (now, can be given based on parents', sisters' or brothers' personal info in electronic records)


no.no. no. no. ussa

these medicines originated in ussa.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

sexual trauma can lead to schizophrenia diagnosis

In the article below, an investigation shows "that sexual trauma plays a role in the development of psychotic disorders such as schizophrenia."

There is, further noted, the trend that trauma victims will move from the location of the sexual trauma, causing "disruption of social networks", which can result in even further mental problems.

There was shown to be a connection between a rape and the later "diagnosis of a psychotic disorder" during the ten years following.

See article:

sexual trauma can 'spark' mental illness

The connection discovered in this study is invaluable. Indications are that sexual trauma can lead, not only to a "psychotic disorder", but to a diagnosis of schizophrenia. This has now been shown. But where will it lead?

One professor involved in the study "said that the research has important implications on treatment and developing therapies for those with schizophrenia."

Premature Mortality

Those with serious mental illnesses, in this study, lost 14.5 years of potential life:

premature mortality in those with serious mental illness

Heart disease was the main cause of death. "Primary health care" is suggested to reduce this premature mortality rate.

This past week:

• medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
  
• sleep: average 10 hrs
• exercise: walking
• diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day, ate four meals a day
• weight: 155 lbs.
• mood: ok all mornings upon rising

the incurable

Louise Hay said, "Every time you hear something is 'incurable,' know that they have not yet discovered a cure it and you must go within to find your own solution. Know there is an Intelligence greater."

That is what I am looking for here. A way "within" to find my "own solution." Hopefully, the posts and suggestions here will assist others as I find my way to recovery.

Major "life stressors" can "trigger" schizophrenia, said to be 'incurable' and a disease for life:

Today's post: You're Nuts, Not Traumatized - Life Sentence: Schizophrenia

The above blog post indicates that stressors in the home can lead to the diagnosis of schizophrenia.

"Why I Write" in FWD by Abby Jean

This piece was written for Blog Against Disablism Day (BADD), May, 2010. I think it sums up good reasons for writing, especially in the line: "I write because I want things to change." There are also some interesting asides about people with mental illness. Please check it out:

Why I write by Abby Jean in FWD

Thank you, Abby Jean!

suggestions for dealing with voices

Five different options for dealing with hearing 'voices':

What works best in coping with voices and other intrusive experiences?

I find myself fighting the 'voices' I hear. It helps to have heard that the hallucinations are memories. Sometimes, I remind myself that my brain is creating them from memory; this helps.
I would prefer to use a different method than fighting, but currently that is not possible.


This past week:

• medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
  
• sleep: average 10 hrs
• exercise: walking
• diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day, ate four meals a day
• weight: 160 lbs.
• mood: ok all mornings upon rising

needing drugs for the rest of your life?

In her book review of Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker, Jenny Westberg sees that mental illness outcomes are made worse by long-term use of medicine. Further, the medicine is not needed for there rest of one's life. Symptoms after stopping the medicine can be the effects of withdrawal from the medicines themselves.

From "Book Review: Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker", by Jenny Westberg in Portland Mental Health Examiner:

"Study after study showed that outcomes for mental illness are worsened, not improved, by long-term, routine use of psychiatric medications. There was no good evidence showing that people with mental illness need drugs for the rest of their lives. There was plenty of evidence of terrible side effects."

Westberg further says,"Another question: Once a person is on psychiatric medications, they are often cautioned not to stop taking them – and if they do quit, sure enough, symptoms return. Doesn’t this prove they needed the drugs? Actually, says Whitaker, it may simply prove that the drugs have withdrawal symptoms. Since psychiatric medications affect the brain, it makes sense that withdrawal affects the brain, with symptoms that can resemble the original illness."

This past week:

I meditated 5 minutes each morning to a compact disc of "OM".

• medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
  
• sleep: average 10 hrs
• exercise: walking, bicycling
• diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day, ate four meals a day
• weight: 159 lbs.
• mood: ok all mornings upon rising

Recovery, defined in two blogs

Phillip Dawdy, in Furious Seasons blog, says that the main thing one must do to achieve recovery is to accept one's diagnosis. He says, "The biggest thing you've go to do is accept your diagnosis (and this comes from someone who has issues with some of the diagnoses and diagnosticians), or you are going to be wrestling with yourself for a long time. It's not worth doing. You know damn well that something is up with you, so what do you intend to do about it?" The next two things he suggests are: "no suicide" and "never give up". After that, he discusses the importance of environment, of not blaming the illness, and of going on as few medicines as possible. Then, he suggests that you must accept "that you'll always have symptoms." After that, he discusses the importance of sleep and exercise.

Read in:

"Slouching towards Recovery" from Furious Seasons blog

Gianna Kali responds in her blog, Beyond Meds. She mainly disagrees with Dawdy's assertion that one must accept their diagnosis.

She says, "So do I still accept my diagnosis. No. And I’ll tell you why. The diagnosis bipolar disorder is a catch-all phrase for a variety of symptom clusters. And it’s a large variety of symptom clusters. Philip says if I don’t accept my diagnosis I will be struggling with myself for a long time. Well I can tell you I struggle with myself less now than I did for the years that I accepted my diagnosis. Since I’ve taken control of my life and chosen to treat my illness as I choose to I’ve become self-empowered. As much as I’ve become self-empowered, I struggle less."

Kali's response in: "What is Recovery?" from Beyond Meds blog

As for myself, I have not ever accepted the diagnosis, "schizophrenia". (At one point, I was also given the label, "schizoaffective".) I do, sometimes, feel that there is a problem with this, in that I am not accepting what is generally granted to be "reality", the accepted by society opinion of trained doctors. I do not believe that there is a problem that has to do with what is called "insight into the illness", generally meaning, the patient accepts the diagnosis. But, more, really, a problem with accepting the perceived "reality". That said, I do not believe that I am "schizophrenic". I do not identify with the label of "schizophrenia". However, as is obvious in this blog, I will use the term, "schizophrenia".

And, further, I have questions as to whether "schizophrenia" actually exists or is the result of abuse previously directed at an individual which reveals itself in what are seen as "symptoms". Does trauma always cause these symptoms? It remains unknown at this point.

I do identify with what Gianna Kali says about not accepting the label, the diagnosis. Not accepting can be empowering, as one faces oneself not as the label.