Sunday, July 27, 2008

fear, feelings, "rethinking schizophrenia"

Last week, I continued meditation, once a day for 20 minutes, affirmations, 2-3 times a day,
and gratitude lists, most nights. Last week I felt fear twice unnecessarily. Once while waiting for my husband at the grocery store I felt frightened. Once I was afraid to fall asleep. This is
cause for concern because unwarranted fear can be a prelude to symptoms, so I talked about it with my husband. I was frightened to fall asleep because I'd been having bad dreams. I may have been frightened while waiting at the grocery store because I've been living in a different country since the end of March. I dealt with my fears and talked about it. The feeling of fear went away. I think that my feelings are coming a little bit more to the surface now that I decreased the medications. The week before I felt happy for a time one day, sad for a time another. This is a big improvement, as I realized that my feeling have been paralyzed by the medications. I look forward to dealing with them more in the future, though I'm certain that it will be challenging to figure out how to handle them after so much lost time.

Here is an article I found from Dr. Nathaniel S. Lehman called Rethinking schizophrenia: its original nature, its drug altered character, and thoughts about its treatment.
In it, he suggests that there is no "brain pathology" in schizophrenia not caused by medication. He also suggests that therapy without medication is appropriate.

Last week's progress --

  • medication: continued taking 10 mg Abilify in the mornings
  • sleep: slept on average 9.4 hours a night, decided to keep a dream journal to deal with troubling dreams
  • exercise: walked two days, ran two days, lifted weights two days
  • diet: ate 3-4 meals a day
  • weight: 158.8 lbs
  • mood: ok each morning upon rising. Depressed one evening. The day before that, feeling very energized from exercise.

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