Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Head (Brain) Trauma

My psychologist in Eastern Europe believes that I am currently called (labelled) "schizophrenic" due to a traumatic head injury.

The injury certainly caused me to be vulnerable in so many ways...I suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I have done some work regarding the PTSD.

My head was banged on the sidewalk over and over again in an assault (attempted murder...).

No matter how often I mentioned the traumatic head injury, psychiatrists ignored it.

Two doctors have admitted that the traumatic head injury is probably the cause of me being labelled "schizophrenic."

"Family" prefer the label. Former "family."

With Amino Acid Diet, Mice Improve After Brain Injury


"[Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) is] the primary cause of death and disability in children and young adults...TBI also accounts for permanent diabilities in more than 5 million Americans."
--from preceding article

I am happy that I am alive--


For the past week:
  • medicine: 10 milligrams Aripiprazole a.m.; 10 milligrams Aripiprazole, 5 milligrams Fleuphenazine, 2 milligrams "Cogentin" p.m. (decreased Fleuphenazine)
  • diet: attempting to eat protein with every meal, fruit, about 3-4 meals/day
  • exercise: situps and pushups
  • mood: o.k. each morning upon rising
  • weight: decided not to weigh my body
  • sleep: did not record (11 hrs. one night)

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Alcoholic family

"This is no war that will be won in my lifetime, but it is a winnable war. When people make a connection that there is no biogenetic code for serial killer or arsonist, that we make our own monsters – when people actually get that, it will be obvious to them that early intervention, early protection will pay enormous dividends. The kids that we miss don’t disappear; they end up in our criminal justice system or our mental health system.” --Andrew Vachss
(10-2009, an interview)



The above will be noticed more often in the future... Already people are noticing. The man quoted above notices, people who have seen that trauma(s) can lead a person into the "mental health system" have noticed...
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I attempted to run away from the house I came from at thirteen...someone ran after me, convincing me to return, not (as I'd planned) for my babysitting money and to leave forever, but to stay. Then, again, I attempted to stay away when I left formally at seventeen. Someone convinced me to return at the first "Holiday"...

After, I was unable to escape the Alcoholic "home" of my Father...

I had chances to leave forever, to "disappear" (while being searched for, of course)...I did not see the chance to leave forever as what I required, to live...

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I considered in the past week whether the word "Alcoholic" applies to me...I took a test at the "Alcoholics Anonymous" website:

Test to See if You are an Alcoholic

I did not answer "Yes" enough to be considered an Alcoholic.

I am currently reading the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.

I read this book in the late eighties, early nineties. So, within this book is a list of traits I had then that made me a Codependent. Those same traits were described as "schizophrenia" or "schizoaffective." Those are the labels in my records.

Now, rereading the book, I can see how the traits changed over the past twenty years, some diminishing, some growing...The most difficult part of reading the book is deciding which traits I have today...(There are also exercises at the end of each chapter.)

I will discuss some realisations from re-reading the above book in a future post...

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I am returning to the format established in my first posts. I will keep records each week. For the past week:
  • medicine: 10 milligrams Aripiprazole a.m.; 10 milligrams Aripiprazole, 5 milligrams Fleuphenazine, 2 milligrams "Cogentin" p.m. (decreased Fleuphenazine)
  • diet: attempting to eat protein with every meal, fruit, about 3-4 meals/day
  • exercise: situps and pushups
  • mood: o.k. each morning upon rising
  • weight: decided not to weigh my body
  • sleep: 12 hrs. a night, average