Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Diagnosis Flawed

This week I stopped smoking cigarettes while drinking coffee. I finished reading Codependent No More (after doing the work in the back of the chapters). I started reading Adult Children of Alcoholics.

Here is the definition of schizophrenia:

"According to the revised fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR), to be diagnosed with schizophrenia, three diagnostic criteria must be met:[4]

  1. Characteristic symptoms: Two or more of the following, each present for much of the time during a one-month period (or less, if symptoms remitted with treatment).
    If the delusions are judged to be bizarre, or hallucinations consist of hearing one voice participating in a running commentary of the patient's actions or of hearing two or more voices conversing with each other, only that symptom is required above. The speech disorganization criterion is only met if it is severe enough to substantially impair communication.
  2. Social/occupational dysfunction: For a significant portion of the time since the onset of the disturbance, one or more major areas of functioning such as work, interpersonal relations, or self-care, are markedly below the level achieved prior to the onset.
  3. Duration: Continuous signs of the disturbance persist for at least six months. This six-month period must include at least one month of symptoms (or less, if symptoms remitted with treatment).
If signs of disturbance are present for more than a month but less than six months, the diagnosis of schizophreniform disorder is applied.[4] Psychotic symptoms lasting less than a month may be diagnosed as brief psychotic disorder, and various conditions may be classed as psychotic disorder not otherwise specified." --Wikipedia, March, 2010

At least one of the threee criteria for diagnosing schizophrenia was not met when I was diagnosed in March, 1996. Thus, the diagnosis itself is flawed.

I did not show "continuous signs of the disturbance [persisting] for at least six months." I remember being fine on New Year's Eve, when we celebrated with friends. I went home early in the morning to sleep rather than continuing to celebrate with the friends at the casino. So, there could not have been "continuous signs" for as long as required (six months). I was fine on January 1, 1996. I showed no symptoms whatsoever.

My situation was not taken into account. When I arrived at the hospital I told the admitting nurse that I was suffering from PTSD. This was not taken into account at all. Perhaps me saying that was misread as a "delusion". Perhaps the admitting nurse had never heard of PTSD and I had to say Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, as I later thought. That was not considered whatsoever, as she forced me into a hospital gown and onto a metal bed under straps for what must have been over twelve to fourteen hours (the entirety of the night). The pain I experienced on that metal bed under straps is difficult to describe.

There was a camera on the ceiling, filming, I suppose, me on the metal bed under straps at my wrists and ankles. I had nothing on under a hospital gown. I could barely move at all for all of those hours. The pain I felt was huge during those hours, fourteen hours or so, I estimate.

I felt as if there were a noose around my neck. I felt as if I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move or escape. It was torture, pure torture, with no reason to it. I did nothing that warranted that torture.

I was later told that one has to be "a danger to her/himself or others" to be forced into a psychiatric hospital. I was neither when I was forced into one. I was not suicidal nor a threat to anyone.

  • medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
  • sleep: average 10.6 hrs
  • exercise: walked (farther than last week) every day but one
  • diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day
  • weight: 153 lbs.
  • mood: ok all mornings upon rising

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Voices

I have begun to smoke cigarettes using my other hand, to prepare to stop smoking this summer or autumn. This week, I will not smoke while drinking coffee.

I was hearing voices since March, 2009. Mostly family. It made my head and face twitch.

My husband said this is a glitch in my brain.

"Whatever else you do, keep telling yourself that the voice comes from a malfunction in your brain and under no circumstances pay any heed to what the voice says." --International Hearing Voices Movement

Here is info regarding The Hearing Voices Movement. Quoted from the Wikipedia page:

"INTERVOICE is critical of psychiatry in relation to the way the profession generally understands and treats people who hear voices and holds that their research has led them to the position that schizophrenia is an unscientific and unhelpful hypothesis which should be abandoned."


INTERVOICE is the new organisation that was created from The Hearing Voices Movement.

I tried talking with the voices, which is said to work for some. This did not work for me.

Then, I tried ignoring them, which works better for me.

I never heard voices before I was put on neuroleptics. In fact, I did not hear voices until years after I was put on neuroleptics (5 years).

  • medication: 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
  • sleep: average 11.6 hrs
  • exercise: walked every day but one
  • diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day
  • weight: 159 lbs.
  • mood: ok all mornings upon rising

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Alcoholic or Not?

I decreased the dose of Aripiprazole by 25 % Saturday. I take 5 mg Aripiprazole a.m. instead of 10 mg Aripiprazole. I joined Survivors of Incest Anonymous a few weeks ago (SIA). I am learning so much from the stories told. One thing I have reassessed is whether I will join AA or not. There is someone in SIA who joined despite the quiz questions not defining her as an Alcoholic. She thinks it could be trouble for her due to her past. I felt that way. I decided to join AA upon returning to the U.S. or to join online.

  • medication: 10 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep,to 5 mg. Aripiprazole a.m. Saturday (decreased Saturday 25%)
  • sleep: average 11.2 hrs
  • exercise: walked one day
  • diet: made certain to eat breakfast, ate more fruit
  • weight: 154 lbs.
  • mood: ok all mornings upon rising

Sunday, March 14, 2010

stopping smoking

My husband and I are considering stopping smoking. We have plans to stop smoking either this summer or this autumn.

I have been reading about how to stop smoking. He has been preparing us by switching us to lighter, "slim" cigarettes. I no longer want to smoke the "fatter" regular cigarettes. I tried them again and did not like them.

I thought that I would have to wait two years to stop smoking, but my husband is very eager for me to stop. So, I am considering. We will be bicycling this Spring for exercise and pleasure. Bicycling will help us to prepare.

I read that dressing in the morning before smoking is a step to stopping. I will attempt that next.

I know that when someone stops smoking one can still be attracted to smoking, as an action of the hands or mouth, as a taste or flavor, as a distraction from thought. Important to be aware of these other attractions, which make those who stop cold turkey unable to be completely free of cigarettes and smoking. We will attempt to be conscious of these desires for smoking while we stop and after we stop.
  • medication: 10 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
  • sleep: average 10.6 hrs
  • exercise: walked two days, with situps, pushups, stair running
  • diet: made certain to eat breakfast every day
  • weight: 154 lbs.
  • mood: ok all mornings upon rising

Sunday, March 7, 2010

bad memory

I had a bad memory two weeks ago. A sister phoned right after I had the bad memory. A big coincidence. As if she were "there" for me when she did not know it. Mom asked to talk with me. I told her I had a bad memory from when I was a little girl. She asked me what it was. I was not ready to tell her. Later, I realised that though I told her enough before that she could have asked what happened, she never had asked me what happened. I felt unnecessarily grateful for her merely, finally, asking me what happened. So, after that phone call with her, I wrote her an email, offering to tell her what happened. She declined, suggesting a therapist. Too much pain for her, she said. I told her I already have a therapist in the United States for when we return.

I joined SIA (Survivors of Incest Anonymous) following this.

  • medication: 10 mg Aripiprazole a.m., 10 mg Aripiprazole before sleep
  • sleep: average 11.2 hrs
  • exercise: walked all days but two, situps, pushups, stair running
  • diet: made certain to eat breakfast, ate more fruit and nuts
  • weight: 154 lbs.
  • mood: ok all mornings upon rising