Thursday, December 11, 2008

back in the "USSA"

It is good to be back in the USSA. I spent last night in O'Hare airport due to a canceled flight (snow). I am currently reading "Mad in America", a book that is shocking and enlightening to me, about which I will write more later. I am also reading "Skinny Bitch" which makes a good case for becoming not just vegetarian, but vegan. I had been considering returning to being a vegetarian when this book was passed on to me, but was ambivalent. Tonight I couldn't eat my meatball due to the impact of this book.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


I am leaving today to return to the United States for two months. I am currently in Eastern Europe. I am not certain whether I'll be writing in my blog for those two months. Likely not, but possibly. I return on February 5. I plan to walk, meditate, and say affirmations while I am in the United States. I will be taking 5 mg. Abilify in the morning while there. I will be in Florida for the month of January. If my walking has gone well, I plan to run on the beach while in Florida. My sleeping in the last two weeks has decreased to between 8 and 9 hours a night, a big decrease from when I began this blog. My weight has increased to 158 lbs. I will attempt to lose 6 lbs. by January 1 (2 lbs a week). I am also considering giving up sugar and white flour at the New Year. Well, that's all for now.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

smoking cigarettes

I mentioned a couple of posts ago that I'd tried during the month of October to stop smoking. I have smoked almost continuously since I was 19 years old. That's 24 years of smoking. I want badly to stop, but apparently I'm more accustomed to my addiction.

I thought about what the causes of my smoking are during and after trying to stop and came up with some strange ideas as to why. I thought, perhaps, every time I breathe in the smoke, I'm breathing in my own anger. [I know today this is not true.] I did realise that I had been very angry since beginning to smoke more than 1/2 pack a day.

I saw the smoking as an expression of that anger directed at myself (also at those who love and care about me and would prefer that I not contract a life-threatening illness from the smoking). I realise that this is a bit of an odd conjecture, but it made some sense to me, so I attempted to reassess my smoking habit with this in mind.

In order to deal with this possible realisation, I looked up some info on anger and came up with two good sites. If you deal with anger as an issue perhaps they will be of use to you.

A Guide to Psychology and Its Practice: Anger

Overcome Anger and Aggression

This is merely a theory regarding my smoking cigarettes. I have another theory, as well, gleaned from the "How to Love Yourself" CD by Louise Hay which I recently acquired. (I do plan to discuss this CD further in a later post.) In it, at one point, Louise Hay says, "You don't have to earn love. You don't have to earn the right to breathe."


I thought upon hearing this, how I am almost eagerly proving otherwise in my life by smoking cigarettes habitually. I am not allowing myself the right to breathe. I am making myself earn that right by the difficult act of stopping smoking.

Anger can come into play here, as there is the anger at feeling that one does have to "earn love" or "earn the right to breathe".

I want to attempt to overcome these issues and stop smoking. I think that understanding cause and effect can only be of assistance here.

Would anyone like to share their story of stopping smoking? Or of why they think they continue to smoke?

Romantic Cigarettes

Cigarettes are o.k. Cigarettes are even beautiful. Cigarettes are. Cigarettes are romantic. Take one out and read a book, take one out and type, take one out and write!

Cigarettes can protect a female or a male from unwanted advances and/or incidents. My cigarette, my friend...

Smoke a romantic cigarette!

bad news for 'schizophrenics' and women smokers

There is bad news about the increased mortality rate for 'schizophrenics'. Who knows how much of this could be caused by the drugs administered...See Mortality Gap Seen In Schizophrenia

There is, also, possibly related (because many 'schizophrenics' smoke), bad news for women smokers. Lifespan decreases by over 14 years for women who smoke. See Women Smokers Lose 14.5 Years Off Lifespan

Sorry I don't have stats for male smokers.

I will be writing more about smoking soon, as someone who recently spent an entire month trying to stop smoking. I think that I learned some things about myself and smoking in the process.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

you can heal your life by louise hay

Here are some videos of a presentation by Louise Hay called You Can Heal Your Life. The presentation, in twelve parts, is quite illuminating. I encourage you to do the exercises she suggests, which amount to writing things down on paper and using mirror work, as they can provide valuable insights into the way one thinks and behaves based on those thoughts and beliefs.

You Can Heal Your Life, Part I

From this video, you can find Part II - Part XII.

I went through these videos some months ago, before starting this blog. Now I am doing so again and finding that my issues and answers to questions have changed! A whole new set of information to work through. It is very interesting what one will come up with when answering the questions posed by Louise Hay. It may seem like a lot of work, but well worth it, I think.