Sunday, July 20, 2008

my definition of recovery; emotional recovery

I continued meditation, 17 minutes twice a day, affirmations, 3 times a day, and gratitude list before bed. I was told by two people from the Withdrawal and Recovery group that I am
withdrawing from the Abilify too quickly. 5-10% reductions are recommended there. I am
reducing by 33%. So, I am a bit confused as to what to do. For now, I'm keeping with my original plan. I am, however, considering these smaller reductions.
Some define "recovery" from schizophrenia as functioning normally while on the medicine.
While I have no problem with people who use this definition for themselves, and know that there are many, this is not what I mean when I say recovery. What I mean is what is defined there as a "full" recovery. Recovery for me will include no medications. So, right now, I'm in the process of recovery. I don't consider myself recovered yet.

Here is my progress this past week --

  • medication: continued taking 10 mg. Abilify once a day in the mornings
  • sleep: averaged 10 hours a night
  • exercise: walked 6 days (one day was raining), lifted weights 3 days
e-book, which I have been following. It has a plan for goal setting, combining protein, carbs, and fat into 4-5 meals a day, and cardio and weight training. It is recommended that weight loss be kept at 1-2 lbs a week. I am trying to lose 20 lbs. (10 lbs by October 1). I gained 100 lbs on Zyprexa in 2000, then lost 40 lbs when I was put on Abilify in 2003.
  • weight: 158.6 lbs
  • mood: ok except one morning depressed. I realized that this was due anger at my ex-boyfriend, who I'd been trying to forgive. I immediately decided to express this anger inwardly, rather than keep turning it against myself. I chose not to forgive him at this point. He beat me up rather badly in 1987. There were a series of extremely violent incidents, including one which involved severe head trauma. (This may be part of the reason I was diagnosed "schizophrenic", not just the head trauma, but also the PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which lingered.)

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