Alcoholic family

"This is no war that will be won in my lifetime, but it is a winnable war. When people make a connection that there is no biogenetic code for serial killer or arsonist, that we make our own monsters – when people actually get that, it will be obvious to them that early intervention, early protection will pay enormous dividends. The kids that we miss don’t disappear; they end up in our criminal justice system or our mental health system.” --Andrew Vachss
(10-2009, an interview)



The above will be noticed more often in the future... Already people are noticing. The man quoted above notices, people who have seen that trauma(s) can lead a person into the "mental health system" have noticed...
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I attempted to run away from the house I came from at thirteen...someone ran after me, convincing me to return, not (as I'd planned) for my babysitting money and to leave forever, but to stay. Then, again, I attempted to stay away when I left formally at seventeen. Someone convinced me to return at the first "Holiday"...

After, I was unable to escape the Alcoholic "home" of my Father...

I had chances to leave forever, to "disappear" (while being searched for, of course)...I did not see the chance to leave forever as what I required, to live...

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I considered in the past week whether the word "Alcoholic" applies to me...I took a test at the "Alcoholics Anonymous" website:

Test to See if You are an Alcoholic

I did not answer "Yes" enough to be considered an Alcoholic.

I am currently reading the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.

I read this book in the late eighties, early nineties. So, within this book is a list of traits I had then that made me a Codependent. Those same traits were described as "schizophrenia" or "schizoaffective." Those are the labels in my records.

Now, rereading the book, I can see how the traits changed over the past twenty years, some diminishing, some growing...The most difficult part of reading the book is deciding which traits I have today...(There are also exercises at the end of each chapter.)

I will discuss some realisations from re-reading the above book in a future post...

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I am returning to the format established in my first posts. I will keep records each week. For the past week:

• medicine: 10 milligrams Aripiprazole a.m.; 10 milligrams Aripiprazole, 5 milligrams Fleuphenazine, 2 milligrams "Cogentin" p.m. (decreased Fleuphenazine)
  
• diet: attempting to eat protein with every meal, fruit, about 3-4 meals/day
  
• exercise: situps and pushups
  
• mood: o.k. each morning upon rising
  
• weight: decided not to weigh my body
  
• sleep: 12 hrs. a night, average